Do not enter a concert with M&Ms featuring non go go boot, sneaker wearing M&M.
Do not book a concert within walking distance of a Dairy Queen.
Do not bring a picnic with rainbow trout.
Do not ever, when attending a holiday show, don one’s gay apparel.
Do not purchase gas at any gas station that sells rainbow Skittles in the gift mart and bring into venue.
Kid Rock will only perform at a concert venue where he is the only guy wearing makeup.
Do not stay over at any hotel that has ‘Over the Rainbow’ or ‘Rainbow Connection’ playing in its elevators.
Do not seat any fans in rows LGBT or Q.
Do not fly an any aircraft to a venue where the flight is Transatlantic.
Do not arrive at concert on a bicycle.
- About the Author
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Paul Lander is not sure which he is proudest of — winning the Noble Peace Prize or sending, Congolese gynecologist, Dr. Denis Mukwege to accept it on his behalf, bringing to light the plight of African women in war torn countries. In his non-daydreaming hours, Paul has written for Weekly Humorist, National Lampoon, American Bystander, Huff Post Comedy, McSweeney’s, Bombeck Writers Workshop Blog, Humor Times, written and/or produced for multiple TV shows and written standup material that’s been performed on Maher, The Daily Show, Colbert, Kimmel, etc. Now, on to Paul’s time-commanding Special Forces in Khandahar…