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Humorist Podcasts

The Cartoon Pad w/ guest Tom Toro

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From Batches to Book Club: Tom Toro on early grind, classic tropes, and his new collection And to Think We Started as a Book Club.

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Humorist Books

Featuring humor novels, cartoon collections, children’s book parodies, and more!

 
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Greg Maxwell’s Inferno:The Erotic, Judeo-Christian, Modern-Day Odyssey No One Asked For

by Keith James

Hell has come to claim the last mortal universe. A bleeding tower has burst through the 24-Hour Fitness parking lot. Demons circle the city of San Diego. One name is called to challenge Lucifer’s Champion: Greg Maxwell.

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Lyssa Strata: A Comedy for the Frustrated 

by Martti Nelson

A small-town librarian finds her voice and kicks some misogynist butt in the process. Inspired by the classical Greek comedy, Lysistrata, librarian Lyssa Strata has long begged the Town Council of Athena, Massachusetts to repeal its disgusting, old, misogynist, and racist laws, but the Council, an all-male entity for 400 years, has blown her off as a redheaded spinster—who, according to a 1673 law, should legally be run out of town at the end of a musket upon a poor fiscal year. When Lyssa seeks to invade the male bastion as the first woman ever on the Council, the men in charge treat her candidacy as a hilarious joke; that is, until Lyssa leads the women of the town on a sex strike.

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The Witch Demands a Retraction: Fairy Tale Reboots for Adults

by Melissa Balmain (Author), Ron Barrett (Illustrator)

Pinocchio Runs for Office, The Peeved Piper, Not So Snow White and so many more in this twisted collection of adult fairy tales!

This hilarious collection of poems by Melissa Balmain puts a grown-up, contemporary spin on the stories and characters we all learned as children, from Little Red Riding Hood, to the Three Bears, the Pied Piper, and Cinderella; each delightfully depicted in full-color by Ron Barrett, (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs) one of the best and award winning illustrators in the business.

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Seven Easy Steps To Go To Hell

by Brandon Hicks

What you see is not always the whole picture, as you’ll learn on your journey to HELL!

Occupying the lowest rung on the demonic corporate ladder, Beezle, Buzzle, and Barb have the unenviable task of ensuring enough souls are going to Hell. Using their patented Seven Deadly Sins™ method, the trio explains how you can get yourself a one-way ticket.

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The # * % < ! + & Year in Review

by Ron Hauge

From Emmy® Award winner Ron Hauge (The Simpsons, Seinfeld, The Ren & Stimpy Show, In Living Color) comes ‘The # * % < ! + & Year In Review', a retrospective collection of single-panel, full-color cartoons selected from his popular Instagram account. The year 2020 will not soon be forgotten, but perhaps we can gain a little perspective with these biting, often outrageous illustrations lampooning Trump, the pandemic, social unrest, the whole mess. BUY NOW 

The Elements of Stress and the Pursuit of Happy-ish in this Current Sh*tstorm

by Bob Eckstein & Michael Shaw

THE ELEMENTS OF STRESS and the Pursuit of Happy-ish in this Current Sh*tstorm is a humorous handbook to help readers better deal with the challenges and headaches of our times, from overeating, to love problems, money woes, global warming, night sweats, winter itch, general anxiety, and so much more. Plus, over 70 stress-defusing cartoons from two of the best gag cartoonists

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Dumb Jokes For Smart Folks

by Jessica Delfino

Dumb Jokes For Smart Folks delivers a grown-up spin on the quintessential children’s joke book. Chock-full of silly wordplay and looney leaps in logic, this collection touches on a variety of topics and themes, from the great outdoors, to celebrities, outer space, and recreational cannabis. Perfect for readers who wish to reconnect with their inner-child or anyone who enjoys a good guffaw- or groan-worthy joke.

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A Gaslight in the Attic

by Matt Lassen

A Gaslight in the Attic is an expert satire of the Donald Trump presidency written from the perspective of the man himself! The book parodies the Shel Silverstein classic “A Light in the Attic” with original poems chronicling Trumpisms, his lies and contradictions and the classic “look this way so you don’t see that” gaslighting at its best! The over 70 hilarious original poems include original Shel Silverstein-esque pen and ink illustrations to enjoy along with it!

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A Gaslight in the Attic

by Matt Lassen

A Gaslight in the Attic is an expert satire of the Donald Trump presidency written from the perspective of the man himself! The book parodies the Shel Silverstein classic “A Light in the Attic” with original poems chronicling Trumpisms, his lies and contradictions and the classic “look this way so you don’t see that” gaslighting at its best! The over 70 hilarious original poems include original Shel Silverstein-esque pen and ink illustrations to enjoy along with it!

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From the Campaign Trail or Thereabouts

by Michael Bleicher & Andy Newton

From the Campaign Trail or Thereabouts dives into the contradictory, divided, and all-too-often unsettling state of the union. Like Huck Finn meets Game Change, the novel examines the politicians and popular figures who played starring roles in 2016 and holds up a mirror to the electorate that ultimately made Trumpism possible.

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How Amusing

Read what all the fuss is about…

Emily Franz

A Letter of Support from the President of the United States to the Cornell 7

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Hope your lawyers give them hell, boys! Keep grabbing life by the pussy!

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Mike Aitchison

I Joined the Milk Club at a Gas Station and Now My Life Has Structure

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I didn’t ask what Milk Club was. I didn’t ask who else was in it. I didn’t ask what my responsibilities would be.

I just joined.

And I have to say, the admissions process was surprisingly efficient.

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Paul Cesarini

Quiz: Innocent Halloween Activity, Sexual Euphemism, or Trump Administration Insider Slang Term for Grift?

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Powdering the donuts, Carving the pumpkin, Bobbing for apples, and more Slang or Halloween?

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J.K. Radomski

Other Things Kelly Clarkson Could Not Purchase

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The actual Liberty Bell. The National Park Service explained that it belonged to the American people. Clarkson offered $50,000 and pointed out that Americans had already demonstrated a remarkable willingness to sell their national heritage for considerably less.

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Luke Strom

Welcome to Our Pumpkin Patch, Which Is Definitely Not Run by the Mob

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Ayyyy and welcome to the world-renowned Gambino-Colombo Pumpkin Patch! If you’re looking for a full day of family-friendly fall activities, you’ve come to the right place. Now, before we begin our tour, I’m obliged to remind you that despite the rumors that have been circulating for nearly a century, we are not run by the mob, capiche? 

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Gail Mackenzie-Smith

Eating. It’s Not Just for Rich People Anymore

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The Unbe-leaf-able Smoothie: Remember waking up well-rested, optimistic, and starting your day with a nutritious green smoothie? Don’t despair. We can’t help your deteriorating mental state but we can offer a new recipe that’s the same color, anyway. Fill a blender with the tender leaves of mulberry, beech, or maple trees, add that peach covered in ants you found in the street (protein!) and blend for an hour and a half. Might be a bit chewy but FIBER!

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Dan Fiorella

Coming this Fall to Trump TV!

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Full White House: When remote island sanctuary is taken from them, the kids, Donnie, Eric, Ivanka move into their dad’s house with his 3rd wife!  Tonight’s episode; “cousin” Tiffany tries to move in!

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Paul Cesarini

The Skipper Addresses the Professor’s Coconut Enrichment Threat

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Upon taking office last year, I immediately opened negotiations with the Professor and offered him full economic cooperation in exchange for ending his coconut-cream enrichment program but he refused.  He absolutely refused. That was a big mistake. Then in Operation Midnight Banana, I ordered Gilligan to obliterate his enrichment program beneath mountains of rubble. And again, I urged the so-called Professor to make a deal, and again, he refused.

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Jason Garramone

The Rambling Manager of a Grocery Store Makes His First Announcement on the Intercom

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Full disclosure: this is my first intercom announcement. I’m still getting used to hearing my voice over the speakers. Every time I talk into this thing, half my brain focuses on speaking and the other half becomes a customer listening to the announcement.

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Kristin Murphy

Would You Rather: Elementary Teacher Edition

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Would you rather: Teach six year olds for ten years, or ten year olds for six years? And more!

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Bobbie Armstrong

Statement Bags And What They Have To Say

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Meet the bags with more personality than their owners — each one spilling opinions nobody asked for, from casual class warfare to a hot take on natural deodorant. Delusional, unbothered, and dressed to the nines.

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Samuel Dunsiger

Congratulations! You’ve Been Selected for Round 14 of our Interview Process

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Now, for round 14, you’ll be asked to perform open-heart surgery on the hiring manager. Don’t worry though, as no medical experience is required. We’re simply looking to assess your problem-solving skills, attention to detail and ability to work in a fast-paced environment. 

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Paul Cesarini

Gilligan’s Island Press Conference: The Skipper Tells Castaways to Accept High Coconut Prices

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“After we finish defeating the Professor, who is being very badly defeated, pretty soon I’ll be declaring Castaway Bay a ​territory of mine.” The Skipper went a step further to suggest that Castaway Bay is already his territory. “Essentially, that’s what it is,” he added.  “We have the blockade. No canoes get through unless we want them to,” he said.

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Bobbie Armstrong

I Was The Cameraperson On A24’s Documentary “You Can See Everything,” And After It Wrapped I Burned Off My Fingerprints, Changed My Name, And Disappeared Deep Into The Albanian Countryside To Raise Sheep 

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I should begin by saying that the only person crazier than Ms. Holmes is Mr. Fielder. When I lie down on my straw mat in my makeshift cabin in the Albanian countryside to rest my head at night, I close my eyes only to be tortured by images of his indigestion-addled face twisted into an overcompensating grimace.

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Highlights of Our So, So Scary Historical Ghost Tour

On karaoke nights at Butts & Thunder Bar, it’s said an apparition messes with the audio system. Many customers complain that singing so out of tune can only be caused by the supernatural.  
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I, Batman, the “Guardian of Gotham,” Am Now Charging a Fee

Being The Caped Crusader is expensive. Capes themselves—while making up only a small portion of my operating budget—are quite costly. Putting aside the wear and tear that comes with hand-to-hand combat, the dry cleaning bills alone are astronomical.
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CARTOON: Color Commentary

Spectrum of Complaints. Today's cartoon by Michael Shaw.
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Thank You for Attending America. The Event Has Concluded

Effective immediately, the following are no longer required: Patriotic outfits, Opinions about the founding fathers expressed at family gatherings, The song “Proud to Be an American,” unless you are at a sporting event, in which case it is still mandatory and you know why
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I Am Resigning as Senior Safety Coordinator Because, Somehow, the Ewoks Got Torches

I have long supported Endor Vendors’ mission of “creating morale-boosting events across mixed-species groups at galactic scale.” But after what I witnessed last night at the Battle of Endor Victory Party, I must resign.
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As a Long-Time Drinker of The Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool Water, Everyone Needs To Relax

As a long-time drinker of the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool, I think everyone needs to calm down. I appreciate President Trump’s decisions to add a new flavor. It’s still as good, if not better, as it has ever been.
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I Replaced My $185,000 Audio System with a Fisher-Price Record Player and I Can No Longer Go Back

*Row, Row, Row Your Boat* reveals subtleties I'd assumed decades of elitist equipment had simply been hiding from me. The famous "merrily, merrily" passage doesn't just play. It floats free of the groove entirely, which for a song about a boat feels like the correct decision.
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The World Cup Questions Most on Americans’ Minds This Week

Q: Surely, they can design more protective shoes and shin and ankle guards that would prevent, or at least mitigate, this melodrama without obscuring the illegal contact that prompts the referee’s whistle. A: You would think. Anyway, only two times a match is a player carried off on a stretcher to attempt to lend credibility to his professed injury. Given the relentless TV close-ups of player’s grimacing and agonized expressions, there is talk of changing FIFA’s logo to a stylized image of Edvard Munch’s The Scream.
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Six Signs You’d Make a Great Vampire

You are honestly incapable of waking up early in the morning — Have you been fired from multiple jobs for not being able to make it to 9 a.m. meetings? Has your own brother called you “lazy” “good for nothing” and “completely fucking worthless” more times than you can count? As a vampire, you’re supposed to sleep all day. Take that, Keith!
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She Cut Me Off! A Eulogy Written by My Old Nose, After My Nose Job.

As I lay on the cold, unforgiving surface of a surgeon’s dish, I reminisce on my life. Twenty two years. Twenty two YEARS I gave to that ungrateful hussy. I gave her smell, I gave her beauty, I gave her three sinus infections a year- give give give! That’s all I ever did for her. I gave. And what does she give me in gratitude to my services? She gives me the KNIFE! Cuts me off, like some toe wart.

The Bandwagon vs. The Showboat

And they’re off! The bandwagon and the showboat. A matchup decades in the making, a contest long sought by fans of vehicular sports metaphors. And now it’s here: The Race, presented by Merriam-Webster.

The Funniest At-Home Rules to Turn Every Type of Game into a Comedy Show

 We all love to play games, be it solo or with loved ones - until someone’s arguing over if ixnay is a valid Scrabble word (it is - we checked). But even the best games can benefit from being taken to the next level with some quirky at-home rules. So, if you’re in need of some good laughs, we’ve got you covered with some funny rules that will have you in stitches.

Simple Airbnb Check-Out Instructions From Your Host

We hope you made yourself at home in our humble abode! This is a friendly reminder to be checked out by 9:00 tomorrow morning in order to give our cleaning crew ample time to prepare for the next guests. If you would like to request a later check-out time, feel free to message us at least 24 hours before check-out, though it looks like we are already within that window, so nevermind. 

Your Dog’s Guide To A Safe And Happy Fourth Of July, by Your Dog

Fireworks, right? Ugh. Who needs 'em? Look, I haven't forgotten about the incident with the rug last year, and I know that your mate hasn't allowed you to forget either. No one wants a repeat of that.

An Open Letter To Whoever Is Abandoning Their Used Underwear On The Shower Towel Hook At The Gym

Towel hooks should only be used for towels, not underwear. Think I’m being too vigilant? Consider that you’ve been sweating into your skivvies for long enough that your sweat has overwhelmingly stained the fabric, transforming them into a disgusting Rorshack test. I’m not even sure if, in their current state, we can still refer to them as underwear. No, they’re more like a sweat rag with an elastic waist.

BOOK EXCERPT: Eating Salad Drunk

You can always tell / Who went to Catholic school / They are atheists. —MIKE BIRBIGLIA This and more haikus from comedy greats in the new book 'Eating Salad Drunk' compiled by Gabe Henry with illustrations by Emily Flake!

I Must Regretfully Decline Your Invitation to Beef

My enemies list is highly exclusive and that membership has been closed since you were an ill-considered gleam in your whiskey-addled father’s eye.

Talking’ Bout My Veneration

The whole tragic, last days of Christ had been imprinted on our our little Catholic brains since Kindergarten. Images of that poor, super-skinny dead man, hammered into splintery wood, with prickers on his bleeding head, were so commonplace that, by age eleven, looking at it was about as troubling as looking at a hamburger.
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