• #MoodyMetalBands

    System of a Frown, MehTallica, Bleak Sabbath, and more #MoodyMetalBands on this week's trending joke game!

    Read more

  • McDonald’s Shamrock Shake Recall Due To Micro-Shillelaghs

    An investigation is still pending, but McDonald’s Shamrock Shakes are made by Union-supported seasonal work leprechauns. They are allowed several Union-approved “stick-fights” throughout the day, during which they beat the corned beef out of each other with their shillelaghs, while standing on a plank placed over the Shamrock Shake vat. The loser of said match is thrown into the vat with their shillelagh and ground up into the Shamrock Shake.

    Read more

  • David Ellison’s Hostile Bid for Your Kid’s Birthday Cake

    Back to your cake. Has anyone else expressed interest in it? Your best friend Liam? Which one is he? Oh, I see him. He sure looks like he’d want to eat your whole cake. Do they call him Lumpy Liam? What’s he offering? One Ring Pop and five of those weird sticky hands that never work in exchange for a 75% stake in your birthday cake?

    Read more

  • Kash Patel’s X-Files

    Mulder opens his phone to an app called “VirtueSig" MULDER: I think this app has something to do with it. Suddenly, without warning every student’s phone jingles with a native peace pipe sound. They all take a knee on the spot.



    Read more

  • Quiet Signs Your Company Is Planning To Let You Go

    Your section of the Zoom meeting screen has been replaced by a skull and crossbones. And more!

    Read more
PreviousNext
12345

Join the Comedy & Camaraderie. Subscribe Today!

Get full access, digital issues, events, exclusive offers, and more!

Start with a Free Limited Subscription
Cartoons

Draw out a laugh

A Cut Above

Best of the Year
Digital
Print

Get a subscription to Weekly Humorist Today! Get 4 weeks for $2.99!

Click me! Click me! (oh harder!)

Listen in on the joke…

Humorist Podcasts

The Cartoon Pad w/ guest Tom Toro

/in /by

From Batches to Book Club: Tom Toro on early grind, classic tropes, and his new collection And to Think We Started as a Book Club.

Read more
Humorist Books

Featuring humor novels, cartoon collections, children’s book parodies, and more!

 
PreviousNext

Greg Maxwell’s Inferno:The Erotic, Judeo-Christian, Modern-Day Odyssey No One Asked For

by Keith James

Hell has come to claim the last mortal universe. A bleeding tower has burst through the 24-Hour Fitness parking lot. Demons circle the city of San Diego. One name is called to challenge Lucifer’s Champion: Greg Maxwell.

BUY NOW

Lyssa Strata: A Comedy for the Frustrated 

by Martti Nelson

A small-town librarian finds her voice and kicks some misogynist butt in the process. Inspired by the classical Greek comedy, Lysistrata, librarian Lyssa Strata has long begged the Town Council of Athena, Massachusetts to repeal its disgusting, old, misogynist, and racist laws, but the Council, an all-male entity for 400 years, has blown her off as a redheaded spinster—who, according to a 1673 law, should legally be run out of town at the end of a musket upon a poor fiscal year. When Lyssa seeks to invade the male bastion as the first woman ever on the Council, the men in charge treat her candidacy as a hilarious joke; that is, until Lyssa leads the women of the town on a sex strike.

BUY NOW 

The Witch Demands a Retraction: Fairy Tale Reboots for Adults

by Melissa Balmain (Author), Ron Barrett (Illustrator)

Pinocchio Runs for Office, The Peeved Piper, Not So Snow White and so many more in this twisted collection of adult fairy tales!

This hilarious collection of poems by Melissa Balmain puts a grown-up, contemporary spin on the stories and characters we all learned as children, from Little Red Riding Hood, to the Three Bears, the Pied Piper, and Cinderella; each delightfully depicted in full-color by Ron Barrett, (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs) one of the best and award winning illustrators in the business.

BUY NOW 

Seven Easy Steps To Go To Hell

by Brandon Hicks

What you see is not always the whole picture, as you’ll learn on your journey to HELL!

Occupying the lowest rung on the demonic corporate ladder, Beezle, Buzzle, and Barb have the unenviable task of ensuring enough souls are going to Hell. Using their patented Seven Deadly Sins™ method, the trio explains how you can get yourself a one-way ticket.

BUY NOW 

The # * % < ! + & Year in Review

by Ron Hauge

From Emmy® Award winner Ron Hauge (The Simpsons, Seinfeld, The Ren & Stimpy Show, In Living Color) comes ‘The # * % < ! + & Year In Review', a retrospective collection of single-panel, full-color cartoons selected from his popular Instagram account. The year 2020 will not soon be forgotten, but perhaps we can gain a little perspective with these biting, often outrageous illustrations lampooning Trump, the pandemic, social unrest, the whole mess. BUY NOW 

The Elements of Stress and the Pursuit of Happy-ish in this Current Sh*tstorm

by Bob Eckstein & Michael Shaw

THE ELEMENTS OF STRESS and the Pursuit of Happy-ish in this Current Sh*tstorm is a humorous handbook to help readers better deal with the challenges and headaches of our times, from overeating, to love problems, money woes, global warming, night sweats, winter itch, general anxiety, and so much more. Plus, over 70 stress-defusing cartoons from two of the best gag cartoonists

BUY NOW 

Dumb Jokes For Smart Folks

by Jessica Delfino

Dumb Jokes For Smart Folks delivers a grown-up spin on the quintessential children’s joke book. Chock-full of silly wordplay and looney leaps in logic, this collection touches on a variety of topics and themes, from the great outdoors, to celebrities, outer space, and recreational cannabis. Perfect for readers who wish to reconnect with their inner-child or anyone who enjoys a good guffaw- or groan-worthy joke.

BUY NOW 

A Gaslight in the Attic

by Matt Lassen

A Gaslight in the Attic is an expert satire of the Donald Trump presidency written from the perspective of the man himself! The book parodies the Shel Silverstein classic “A Light in the Attic” with original poems chronicling Trumpisms, his lies and contradictions and the classic “look this way so you don’t see that” gaslighting at its best! The over 70 hilarious original poems include original Shel Silverstein-esque pen and ink illustrations to enjoy along with it!

BUY NOW 

A Gaslight in the Attic

by Matt Lassen

A Gaslight in the Attic is an expert satire of the Donald Trump presidency written from the perspective of the man himself! The book parodies the Shel Silverstein classic “A Light in the Attic” with original poems chronicling Trumpisms, his lies and contradictions and the classic “look this way so you don’t see that” gaslighting at its best! The over 70 hilarious original poems include original Shel Silverstein-esque pen and ink illustrations to enjoy along with it!

BUY NOW 

From the Campaign Trail or Thereabouts

by Michael Bleicher & Andy Newton

From the Campaign Trail or Thereabouts dives into the contradictory, divided, and all-too-often unsettling state of the union. Like Huck Finn meets Game Change, the novel examines the politicians and popular figures who played starring roles in 2016 and holds up a mirror to the electorate that ultimately made Trumpism possible.

BUY NOW 

How Amusing

Read what all the fuss is about…

Weekly Humorist Hashtag Games

#MoodyMetalBands

/in /by

System of a Frown, MehTallica, Bleak Sabbath, and more #MoodyMetalBands on this week’s trending joke game!

Read more
Joe Schiappa

McDonald’s Shamrock Shake Recall Due To Micro-Shillelaghs

/in /by

An investigation is still pending, but McDonald’s Shamrock Shakes are made by Union-supported seasonal work leprechauns. They are allowed several Union-approved “stick-fights” throughout the day, during which they beat the corned beef out of each other with their shillelaghs, while standing on a plank placed over the Shamrock Shake vat. The loser of said match is thrown into the vat with their shillelagh and ground up into the Shamrock Shake.

Read more
Conner Jackson

David Ellison’s Hostile Bid for Your Kid’s Birthday Cake

/in /by

Back to your cake. Has anyone else expressed interest in it? Your best friend Liam? Which one is he? Oh, I see him. He sure looks like he’d want to eat your whole cake. Do they call him Lumpy Liam? What’s he offering? One Ring Pop and five of those weird sticky hands that never work in exchange for a 75% stake in your birthday cake?

Read more
Julien Perez

Kash Patel’s X-Files

/in /by

Mulder opens his phone to an app called “VirtueSig” MULDER: I think this app has something to do with it. Suddenly, without warning every student’s phone jingles with a native peace pipe sound. They all take a knee on the spot.

Read more
Kit Lively

Quiet Signs Your Company Is Planning To Let You Go

/in /by

Your section of the Zoom meeting screen has been replaced by a skull and crossbones. And more!

Read more
Nicole Chrolavicius

When We Bombed Iran, We Totally 100% Meant to Make Oil More Expensive

/in /by

When we bombed Iran, we totally 100% planned to make oil more expensive, thereby allowing more Russian oil to enter the market, so Putin can further bomb Ukraine. We encourage everyone everywhere to bomb their way to peace.

Read more
J.K. Radomski

Rejected Iran Military Operation Names

/0 Comments/in /by

Operation Temporary National Emergency Until After the Midterms. and more!

Read more
David Veta

An Email From a Sandwich Shop You Ate at One Time Nine Years Ago

/in /by

The sandwich you ate in 2016 also contained a microscopic camera that sends us pictures of your insides while you sleep. We at Club Sandwich know what you’re thinking, and no, the camera never runs out of battery because it is powered by the little pieces of corn you don’t chew enough. Well, that about sums it all up! Actually, one more thing: we can see your dreams.

Read more
Susan Whiting Kemp

I’m Dumping You for a Capybara Named Fabio

/in /by

I didn’t mean for all this to happen between me and Fabio, but the first day we met he scent-marked me by peeing on my leg and so I knew right away he was into me. After that it was always hard to think of him as just a friend. I agree, the scent-marking is a little weird, but I’m used to it now. I wear capri pants and flip flops so I don’t have to change my clothes. It’s called compromise. Maybe you’ve heard of that concept? Anyway, even if I had a problem with it, his sexy Brazilian accent makes up for it.

Read more
Viktoria Shulevich

Random Thoughts I Had About Why I Can’t Whistle

/in /by

Whistling conveys a sense of carefreeness and nonchalance. I have never felt carefree or nonchalant. Whistling in a carefree and nonchalant manner alerts the mysterious forces at work (the ones that control Murphy’s Law) that you are enjoying life a bit too much, and now, something bad must happen. 

Read more
Weekly Humorist Hashtag Games

#FunkyFairyTales

/in /by

Gangsta Rapunzel, Hansel and Groovy, Barry White and the 7 Dwarfs, and more #FunkyFairyTales on this week’s trending joke game!

Read more
Caroline Horwitz

Oscar-Nominated Films According to Viewers Who Are Struggling with Going Vegan

/in /by

Marty Taco Supreme: Marty Mauser is a young man with two dreams—to become the world’s greatest table-tennis player, and for every fast-food chalupa he eats to be served with the glorious addition of sour cream.

Read more
Jason Garramone

I, Whiskey, Do Not Condone Being Used as an Anesthetic

/in /by

When people talk about having a drink to “ease the pain,” they don’t mean it in a literal sense for medical purposes. The best case scenario is that the pain becomes too much for your physical body and then your brain, trying to shield you from the agony, short circuits your nervous system and you pass out.

Read more
Nicole Chrolavicius

You Gotta Fight for Your Right to Paaaaaaaaarty, If You Are Director of the FBI

/in /by

Okay, I admit, I was doing a little work this time. As the person responsible for overseeing major crimes investigations, and as someone who takes that important job extremely seriously, I was investigating a serious crime in that locker room. A Beer Crime!

Read more

Honda Days Are Over, Now What?

During Honda Days, the world made sense. The showroom was a place people came drunk with hope and enthusiasm. The giant inflatable tube guy was all of us—our own Honda Jesus.
Read more

#VillainousVideoGames

PAC Manslaghterer, ICE Invaders, J.D. Vance Vance Revolution, and more #VillainousVideoGames on this week's trending joke game!
Read more

Alabama: At Least We’re Not Mississippi and 23 Other REAL State Mottos

Texas: The Lone Star Stands For Our Yelp Review, And more!
Read more

#ApocalypticAppetizers

The Walking Bread, Hell-apeno Poppers, Invasion of the Body Snackers, and more #ApocalypticAppetizers on this week's trending joke game!
Read more

Fine, I’ll Give The President My Second Place Spelling Bee Trophy

It is the only trophy I’ve ever won, and it was highly coveted among other tweens who prepared diligently for the competition. We skipped lunch to study. We skipped all the social events that we weren't invited to anyway. 
Read more

Gilligan’s Island Press Conference: The Skipper Declares Intentions to Annex the Professor’s Hut

At a last-minute media gaggle held at the Castaway Island Lagoon, the Skipper stated his intentions to annex the Professor’s hut.  “Anything less than that hut in my hands is unacceptable,” he said.  He also announced that he was appointing Gilligan as a special envoy to “lead the charge” in making the hut part of his territory.  “We're going to see what happens. We need [the hut] for Island security,” the Skipper said.  “We have a very good relationship with [the Professor], as you know. We’ll see.
Read more

How To Throw Something Away Without Your Partner Fishing It Out Of The Trash (A Counting Story)

When your partner refuses to get rid of his stretched-out t-shirt, put it directly in the trash bin outside.
Read more

#SpicySpaceMovies

Apollo 69, Rack to the Future, Sindependence Day, and more #SpicySpaceMovies on this week's trending joke game!
Read more

I, Carmen Sandiego, Do Not Endorse Theft of or From Venezuela

I, Carmen Sandiego in conjunction with Broderbund Software, retain certain intellectual property claims over the concept of globe-trotting villainy involving the theatrical theft of both vague national values and specific cultural assets. Consider this a courtesy notice to cease and desist any trademarked international heists or crimes.
Read more
PreviousNext

 Get The Weekly Humorist Updates!



She Cut Me Off! A Eulogy Written by My Old Nose, After My Nose Job.

As I lay on the cold, unforgiving surface of a surgeon’s dish, I reminisce on my life. Twenty two years. Twenty two YEARS I gave to that ungrateful hussy. I gave her smell, I gave her beauty, I gave her three sinus infections a year- give give give! That’s all I ever did for her. I gave. And what does she give me in gratitude to my services? She gives me the KNIFE! Cuts me off, like some toe wart.

The Bandwagon vs. The Showboat

And they’re off! The bandwagon and the showboat. A matchup decades in the making, a contest long sought by fans of vehicular sports metaphors. And now it’s here: The Race, presented by Merriam-Webster.

The Funniest At-Home Rules to Turn Every Type of Game into a Comedy Show

 We all love to play games, be it solo or with loved ones - until someone’s arguing over if ixnay is a valid Scrabble word (it is - we checked). But even the best games can benefit from being taken to the next level with some quirky at-home rules. So, if you’re in need of some good laughs, we’ve got you covered with some funny rules that will have you in stitches.

Simple Airbnb Check-Out Instructions From Your Host

We hope you made yourself at home in our humble abode! This is a friendly reminder to be checked out by 9:00 tomorrow morning in order to give our cleaning crew ample time to prepare for the next guests. If you would like to request a later check-out time, feel free to message us at least 24 hours before check-out, though it looks like we are already within that window, so nevermind. 

Your Dog’s Guide To A Safe And Happy Fourth Of July, by Your Dog

Fireworks, right? Ugh. Who needs 'em? Look, I haven't forgotten about the incident with the rug last year, and I know that your mate hasn't allowed you to forget either. No one wants a repeat of that.

An Open Letter To Whoever Is Abandoning Their Used Underwear On The Shower Towel Hook At The Gym

Towel hooks should only be used for towels, not underwear. Think I’m being too vigilant? Consider that you’ve been sweating into your skivvies for long enough that your sweat has overwhelmingly stained the fabric, transforming them into a disgusting Rorshack test. I’m not even sure if, in their current state, we can still refer to them as underwear. No, they’re more like a sweat rag with an elastic waist.

BOOK EXCERPT: Eating Salad Drunk

You can always tell / Who went to Catholic school / They are atheists. —MIKE BIRBIGLIA This and more haikus from comedy greats in the new book 'Eating Salad Drunk' compiled by Gabe Henry with illustrations by Emily Flake!

I Must Regretfully Decline Your Invitation to Beef

My enemies list is highly exclusive and that membership has been closed since you were an ill-considered gleam in your whiskey-addled father’s eye.

Talking’ Bout My Veneration

The whole tragic, last days of Christ had been imprinted on our our little Catholic brains since Kindergarten. Images of that poor, super-skinny dead man, hammered into splintery wood, with prickers on his bleeding head, were so commonplace that, by age eleven, looking at it was about as troubling as looking at a hamburger.
PreviousNext