‘Twas the night of the election, and all over cable news, / Not a network was covering anything but red states and blues. / The pundits were booked on the panel shows with care, / As one spoke, ten others all nodded and stared.
We all remember how much we loved it when that cast member was on the show. I’m sure that person is totally available, and would love to drop everything they’re doing to fly across the country/globe from wherever their current project is filming and give up the majority of their weekends from October through May to appear in an SNL cold open. Each week, they could deliver us a forever-memorable topical sketch where they stand behind a plexiglass podium or sit behind a foam-core Resolute Desk and deliver setup/punchline two-liners about whatever Republicans or pop stars did over the past six days.
In the future, your phone, your car, and your talking sex machine, will all speak to you in the tender-yet-bro-ish tones of Chris Pratt. Every syllable of every language will be recorded meticulously by Pratt allowing AI developers to design models of Chris Pratt’s voice for limitless uses around the globe.