Sentence Starters That Will Instantly Improve Your Mansplaining Skills 

Are you sure (you’ve hammered a nail before?)

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Let me show you how (to do this thing you keep insisting you know how to do.)

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It might be easier (if you did it the exact same way, but only after I’ve told you how to do it.)

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I’m no expert, but (I will absolutely pretend to be because it makes me feel big and strong.)

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Just hear me out (and act like what I’m about to say is the most amazing thing you’ve ever heard.)

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Okay, think of it like this: (It’s just like dabbing on foundation, except your sponge is the hammer, and your face is the nail.)

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If you want my opinion, (you could make a pretty good nail-pounder if you really commit to it!)

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I see your point, but (let me repeat what you just said and throw in an additional detail that my friend Jeremy heard on a podcast one time that is actually wrong.)

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Look, (just give me the hammer and nails.)

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See how (I’m holding the hammer exactly the way you were holding it, except now it’s in a man’s hand?)

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The trick is to (stop shouting all these crazy made-up words at me, like “misogynist” and “male chauvinist dickface.”)

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And may I add that (it wouldn’t hurt to say “thank you,” especially after I stood on my tippy toes to reach my toolbox in the garage, in spite of my plantar fasciitis and my fear of spiders.)

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Technically, (proper nail-pounding does not include spitting in my face.)

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Here’s the thing, (although I claim to be a feminist, the actual implications of feminism terrify me.)

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As Jordan Peterson once said, (“No problem was ever solved by throwing hammers at people’s heads.”)

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Not to mansplain, but (the way you’re nailing the doors shut from the outside is totally wrong — if you keep doing it like that, I’ll be trapped in here with no food or water. Wait, hello? Hey, are you still there? Hello…?)