Tag Archive for: fifa

ICYMI: Executive Order to Americanize Soccer

President Trump presented new red, white and blue balls to be used, decorated in Stars and Stripes going forward. “Very excited to share, we’re adding more balls in the game at the same time to make this boring sport exciting. Lots of balls. Lots of full contact. It will still be the best WiFi Club World Cup ever.”

Get Ready for the Biggest International Party Where None of Your Favorite Ways to Celebrate Are Legal

Hello football lovers and partygoers from all over the world! We're so excited to welcome you to Qatar for the 2022 FIFA World Cup, the biggest party on the planet. Who’s ready to cheer their hearts out?! Woooo! But not so loud please. Public displays of fun will definitely land you in a jail cell, as will the many other ways you typically like to party.