Tag Archive for: jaws

Open Letter to Beachgoers: Congratulations on 50 Years of Ignoring Obvious Shark Warnings by Bruce the Shark (Yes, I have a name—it’s Bruce. Look it up.)

You ignore warning flags. You swim at dusk. You boogie board in bait balls. You book snorkeling excursions with people named “Captain Dave” who store raw squid next to the sandwich cooler. Do you want to be an appetizer?

I’m Jaws, Henchman to Global Megalomaniacs, and Yes, My Teeth Are an Occupational Necessity

They’re not "grills", Paula. They’re prosthetics. They are functionally vital, occupationally mandated prosthetics. I'm not a SoundCloud rapper. I’m a seven-foot-two contract killer who is running out of dental options and has a long history of chewing through reinforced security measures.

CARTOON: Shark Attacks on the Rise

Gonna need a bigger boat? Today's cartoon by Thomas Wykes.

I Will Absolutely Be Sending My Kids Back To Swim At Amity Island Even Though Jaws Is Still In The Water

This shark impacts different people in different ways. It violently pulls some people underwater, only to have their partial remains wash ashore the next day while others it merely maims and leaves permanently disfigured. 

Other Horror Movie Remakes That Will Be Following The New Halloween Model…

The Amityville Horror: The house is no longer haunted, but there are a few foundation problems that probably need to be looked at. And that front porch is going to need a bit of work, for sure. And more.