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I Love Self-Checkout Because I Never Steal And I Always Pay For Each Of My Items Every Time

I would never place an item in the bagging area without scanning it. Even if I wave it over the barcode reader and it doesn’t read, I would never place it in the bagging area or my pocket. I would simply ask for assistance, wait my turn as other honest patrons are served, and then explain to the worker that the baby formula says it’s twice as much as it used to be and there must be some kind of mistake. 

Sorry I Reposted Your Work Without Attribution, But To Be Fair, I'm Also A Bank Robber

So you’ll be relieved to learn that my Instagram thievery is simply a side-hustle to my main gig as a full-on Jeremy Renner-in-The Town bank robber.

CARTOON: Feeling Safe?

If only he listened that intently at home. Today's cartoon by Evan Lian.