Entries by Nicole Chrolavicius

Vote Buying Is Illegal, so Instead We Are Going to Give You a Sum of Money in Exchange for Your Vote

/in /by

A Vote-for-Us Rewards Program: You sign up for our vote rewards program by giving us your vote in exchange for the promise of cash. However, the cash is not your reward. Your reward is a Republican political victory.  Besides, did you really think we would be sending you money through the mail in order to make good on this promise? That would make us use the very postal system that we are trying to ban you from using in order to vote. Not gonna happen.

I’m the Mona Lisa, and I Demand to be Repainted as the Sexpot That I Am

/in /by

When I sat for the portrait, I was dressed in a bright pink halter top revealing a heaving cleavage while holding my yellow pet cockatoo to showcase my playful side. I recently got a spray tan, had my teeth whitened to near-neon, and had my hair straightened and layered professionally. I’d just finished doing fifty push-ups so that my triceps would look ripped. I was ready to be the muse.