Countdown to Valentine’s

Yes, I’m looking for the executive in charge of programming?  I’ll hold.  Hello?  Yes, my name is Gloria Arliss and I’m calling to complain about your Hallmark Channel’s Countdown to Valentine’s Day Movie Festival.  I happen to feel that you are inundating us with all this romantic drivel that totally distorts reality.  Movie after movie after movie showing some weird, complicated way of falling in love.  It’s not like that…

I mean, I like a nice romantic comedy as much as the next woman but you are pumping this nonsense into our homes 24-7!…

For this you’re preempting the Golden Girls?

These movies, they’re just not how people behave.  How do you have women throwing away a committed relationship because of some “Meet-cute” scene in a small town?

Oh, it’s the wrong guy?  Then why are these smart, savvy women even in a relationship with the wrong man?  Could you make them anymore pathetic?

Look, you show us these women, it seems like they have it all.  They’re successful lawyers, chefs, hotel managers, florists and chefs.

And they are working hard to keep it together.  Then you attempt to foist upon us the idea that these women are misguided because some alpha dude snuck in under their radar?

Right, like being a success at something means you have a blind spot about having a relationship. I mean, really, what are we, men?

I’m tired–me and my friend are all tired–of seeing love reduced to some contrivance to be overcome.  Yes, we’ve talked about it over many a bottle of wine.  Zinfandel.

Love isn’t a plot point.  Love isn’t a happy ending to finish up at.  Love is a lifetime.  It’s something to work at, not fall into.  I don’t want to say “I’ve fallen in love and I can’t get up!”  Sure, you can use that.

Anyway, you’re flooding the market with endless retreads of the same cookie-cutter plots.  Especially the ones about the cookie cutters.

Look, Mister…Reynolds–Mr. Reynolds, your channel needs to dial it back.  You’re turning something wonderful like love and St. Valentine’s Day into something tired and trite.  It’s still something unique.  It’s hard to believe in unique if you have 32 movies in a row about it.  I just need to believe that it is something wonderful, something special, can you understand that, can’t you, Mr. Reynolds?  Ok, Dave.  You do?  That’s all we ask, some consideration.  That would be appreciated.  Thank you for your time…Dave… Arliss, Gloria Arliss.

So…are you seeing anyone?