I’m thrilled to present The Nobster Bib! It’s like a lobster bib, but also for when it’s Not Lobster! I got the idea when I was at the Olive Garden’s “All the Pasta You Can Stuff into Your Face” festival. Let me tell you, the marinara was flying that night!
Ping-Pong Table Match: Like a table match, only it’s a table tennis and they have to keep the ball in play while smashing each other with tables.
Also, you’ll discover that we redesigned the desktop icons just enough to make them unrecognizable, so happy hunting for your Excel and Word programs! Talk about upgrades!
While we have taken numerous steps to deal with Ms. Voorhees spawn of hell, Jason, we honestly felt that once he went to New York City and eventually, hell, that things would start settling down for Camp Crystal Lake. I mean, really, after that whole “Final Chapter” episode, the idea of a “New Beginning” really seemed outlandish. And seriously, none of us expected him to return from space. I mean, space, right???
Who Wants to Afford Eggs? New game show where the top prizes are eggs. Not necessarily chicken eggs, but still, eggs.
Woman who possess “Mar-a-Largo Face” will be deemed “daughters” for the purpose of this Executive Order.
Every Who down in Who-ville liked Christmas a lot.
But the Grinch, who used to work for Nakotomi Corporation, DID NOT!
Ghosts: I think we’re all tired hearing about ghosts and spooks and poltergeists running around haunting people and places. There’s something the Deep State needs to take care of.
Thursday 3:33 pm: I keep seeing people post night footage of strangers checking to see if car doors are open. Why doesn’t anyone try the doors on my ’95 Chevrolet Cavalier? I’ve even left the keys in it.
100 mitre Dash, Good-minton, Water-into-Wine Polo, and more!
I think I’ve discovered why the parks keep failing. And it’s an easy fix: Roller coasters!
Doggie Style: Bluey and Bingo get into trouble when they advertise a fashion shop they’re setting up in their backyard.
Godzilla: Hey, when you think about destroying a corrupt town like Washington D.C., what comes to mind quicker than Godzilla? Imagine Prez Trump’s head over Godzilla’s as he stomps through town screaming “MAGA” or “Sleepy Joe!” (depending on focus group feedback) and we can turn the fleeing populous into members of the Demon-cratic Party (pretty good, right? I just made that up now). I think we can use video from January 6th. There’s a lot of footage there.
These movies, they’re just not how people behave. How do you have women throwing away a committed relationship because of some “Meet-cute” scene in a small town?
Things are moving now! We just moved up 5 places! Oh, wait, it seems a family ahead of us passed out and are being removed from the line. Still, we’re moving up!
Mistletoes: similar to athlete’s foot, an infection caused by wearing stockings not hung with care. It can be easily treated with a medicated tannen-balm.
Murder on the Polar Express: The kids are forced to solve the murder of Mr. Conductor with the help of Hercule Poirot, who just happens to be on the train.
You would think it would be hard to top that. Yet, we have! For desert, the cranberry flambe! Oui. It gives you a real reason to be thankful, no?
“Frankenstein Meets the Press”- We get the monster’s views on bread and fire.
Per Post- .001, Per Re-post- .002, Per Musk Re-Post- free, and more!
Star Jaws: An intergalactic space shark threatens the Republic of Planets and a scrappy band of rebels are called in to destroy it.
HOST: Oh, you came. Welcome to Depressing Karaoke Night. If you’re not bummed yet, you totally will be.
Zipline Substitutions: Instead of waiting forever for a new pitcher to reach the mound, he’ll zipline in from the bullpen.