Holiday Songs Updated for the 21st Century
“Santa Babygirl”
“The Twelve Days and Preceding Four Months of Christmas”
“Grandma Got Run Over by a Driverless Car”
“All I Want for Christmas is a Livable Wage Commensurate with My Education and Experience”
“Another Amazon Fulfillment Center is Coming to Town”
“It’s the Most Communicable Time of the Year”
“I’m Dreaming of a Christmas Below 60 Degrees”
“Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel, I Made it Out of Polyethylene”
“My-Phone’s-Not-on-Silent Night Because Work Might Call”
“O Little Town of Picturesque Ambiance That’s Been Overrun by Influencers”
“Full-Grown Woman, It’s Cold Outside, So Please Borrow My Patagonia Parka”
“God Rest You Merry, Fellow Insomniacs and Anxiety Sufferers”
“Run Rudy Run Those Millions in Damages to the Election Workers You Defamed”
“It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like AI Will Soon Pass the Turing Test”
“Jingle Bell Rock or Whichever Music Genre Taylor is Doing Now”
(It’s her world and we’re just living in it)
- About the Author
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Caroline Horwitz’s humor has appeared in McSweeney’s, Points in Case, Slackjaw, Frazzled, Jane Austen’s Wastebasket, The Belladonna Comedy, Functionally Dead, and more. She lives in Pittsburgh with her husband and kids.
