Entries by Caroline Horwitz


Beauty Tips for Attracting a Republican Man

Go blonde. No, blonder. This one should be obvious, but we’re gonna go full Patrick Bateman on you here because we cannot stress “blonde” enough. Even if you’re one of God’s chosen few who possess natural blonde locks, you could still probably use the assistance of dye. There’s no such thing as too yellow or too platinum. Our boys love their towheads, and who can blame them? (Just don’t go too far into full-on white because then you’ll look old and, ew, gross, who wants to date that?)


Holiday Songs Updated for the 21st Century

“Grandma Got Run Over by a Driverless Car” “I’m Dreaming of a Christmas Below 60 Degrees” “It’s the Most Communicable Time of the Year” And more!