I’m Your Fitness Tracker, and I’m Worried About You 

I also feel like our relationship has suffered. When you originally customized my settings, you asked me to provide hourly “Get Up and Move!” alerts during your waking hours. But lately, you’ve been deleting these prompts by jabbing roughly at my screen. Remember, only a light tap of your finger is necessary!

Fitbit’s New Life Coach Notifications as Samuel L. Jackson's 'Pulp Fiction' Character Jules Winnfield

Ding ding ding, EXCUSE ME, why are we carb loading first thing in the morning? Where them hard boiled eggs at you promised to eat?