Tag Archive for: Jeff Goldblum

How To Throw Something Away Without Your Partner Fishing It Out Of The Trash (A Counting Story)

When your partner refuses to get rid of his stretched-out t-shirt, put it directly in the trash bin outside.

A Brief History Of My Obsession With Jeff Goldblum

1993. My mother tells all of our relatives that I’m “very into dinosaurs now.” I ask the elementary school guidance counselor to advise me on how to become a Chaotician. She tells me that this is not a real career, which in retrospect feels like a microaggression.

Lines I Imagine Jeff Goldblum Saying In “Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom”

“Life, uh, finds a way. For the fifth time, apparently.” “I…