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Welcome to Our Town’s Walking Tour Where We Choose to Focus on Abraham Lincoln’s Visit Here and Not That Famously Bad Thing That Happened in the 80s

Thank you for meeting me here under this lamppost at 3:30PM, and welcome to my hometown’s walking tour. As most of you know, our town is famous because – for a 22-hour period of time – our nation’s 16th president, Abraham Lincoln, stayed here. Yep, that’s what we’re known for. Nothing else. No matter what a certain HBO documentary might lay out in graphic detail. Anyway, let’s get started!

Casting Call for Netflix's New Docuseries, So You Think You Can Bind, Torture, and Kill?

Three contestants will make it to the final round, where the killer with the most creative and functional soundproof murder dungeon wins, getting the ultimate binge-watching Netflix treatment and becoming a weird sex symbol somehow.