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I Am Kristen Roupenian’s Book Advance, and I Know All Your Essays Are About Me

You probably have questions about me. I am, after all, seven-figures big, an unheard-of sum for a relatively unknown writer. What would it be like to have me, you wonder? Is there any hope of my ever being earned out? And now: Should I be shared with Alexis Nowicki, the woman on whom the short story was based?

How To Tell If A Woman Wants You To Approach Her, Based On Her Lipstick Color

Orange: Woah, what a unique color choice! She absolutely wants you to say something. Be sure to tell her that not many ladies can pull this shade off, but she sure does! Women love being told they’re superior to other women, especially in a hypothetical competition they didn’t asked to be entered in. “Orange” you glad you spoke up?