How To Tell If A Woman Wants You To Approach Her, Based On Her Lipstick Color

Pink: If a woman is rocking a subtle, blush-colored lip, she is definitely asking the world, specifically men, to comment on it. Feel free to tell her how kissable her lips look! She’ll practically melt into a cute pink puddle, right there on the sidewalk!

Red: Even if her mouth looks like a stop sign, don’t let that “stop” you from giving your unsolicited opinion! Call her Marilyn or Audrey or any other old-timey actresses’ name you can think of, to let her know you think this color is a classic! Hey, maybe even go the extra mile and ask her out to a nice candle-lit dinner. A classy lady like her deserves the best, and the best is dinner with you, a random man who just happens to be in same aisle as her at Whole Foods.

Orange: Woah, what a unique color choice! She absolutely wants you to say something. Be sure to tell her that not many ladies can pull this shade off, but she sure does! Women love being told they’re superior to other women, especially in a hypothetical competition they didn’t asked to be entered in. “Orange” you glad you spoke up?

Purple: If her lips are the color of a fresh bruise, say something! If you don’t, you’ll be “bruising” her ego! Tell her this particular shade of purple reminds you of picking blackberries with your mother in the woods behind your house. Then ask her if she’d like to meet your mother. If she says no, ask her if she’d like to take a walk in the woods behind your house instead.

Blue: If a woman is wearing blue lipstick, you are legally required to sing “Blue” by Eiffel 65 at her until she agrees to go mini-golfing with you. Or hey, maybe karaoke?

Green: Green lipstick! You know what else is green? The leaves on the trees in the woods behind your house. Ask her if she’d like to come see the leaves on the trees in the woods behind your house.

Black: If a lady paints her lips the color of asphalt, you can bet your “ass-phalt” she wants you to say something! Try, “Wow, nice lipstick, it’d look nicer on my cheek,” then present your cheek for smooching. She probably will, seeing as she’s deep in the woods behind your house and you’re the only one who knows how to get back. Lucky for her, you’re an Eagle Scout!

Black Hole: When a woman goes beyond the basic black and turns her mouth into a literal black hole, she’s probably just trying to ward off the creeps. And can you blame her? There are a lot of them out there. But you’re just a nice regular guy, so don’t be afraid to approach her! If you get sucked into the intense and deadly gravitational pull of her black-hole mouth, at least you’ll have died doing something you loved: pursuing a woman who did not want to be pursued.