Tag Archive for: pool

Creative Ways to Beat the Heat 

Fake pool cleaner: Peek over backyard fences until you find a pool. If the coast is clear, climb on over and take a dip! If someone catches you, explain that you want to clean their pool, free of charge. If they ask, “Why are you wearing my kid’s floaties?” get the heck out of there and find another pool.

Pool Rules for Dan

No peeing in the pool. No bodily fluids of any kind at any time. So stop getting in the pool after you’ve had three Coronas, Dan. And keep your snot-nosed kids out of the water too. They scare me. The older one said he knows how I’m going to die. 

The Best Thing About Taking My Young Kids to the Pool Is Having My Balls Repeatedly Crushed By Their Feet

Ah, summer. The lazy days, the warm breezes, the crushed testicles. There’s nothing quite like unwinding after a long day in a swimming pool with that mellow, full body tingle you can only get from having your gonads savagely wrecked by a careless child’s flailing legs. 

Summer 2021 Pool Rules

No Offensive T-Shirts, Unless They're Really Funny. No Smoking, Pets, Or Smoking Pets. No Urinating in the Pool, Unless You Can Get Away With It Without Being Obvious. And more!

CARTOON: Summer 2020 Poolside Styles

Don't forget to floss! Today's cartoon by David Ostow.