Summer 2021 Pool Rules

No Smoking, Pets, Or Smoking Pets.

No Online Shaming / Cancelling Lifeguards for Performing CPR / Mouth-To-Mouth On Underage Swimmers

No Getting Angry With Your Husband For Glancing At The Hot Chick In The Thong.

No Urinating in the Pool, Unless You Can Get Away With It Without Being Obvious. And No Defecating In The Pool Either. Jesus Christ, Do We Really Have To Tell You That??

No Running By The Pool, Unless You Really Need To Get To The Restroom For A Number Two (see above rule).

No Hats In The Pool. Definitely No “Make America Great Again” Hats, Especially If You’d Like The Lifeguard To Make An Honest Effort If You Begin To Drown.

No Eating / Drinking In The Pool Unless You’ve Purchased The Incredibly Overpriced Items From Our Snack Bar.

No Offensive T-Shirts, Unless They’re Really Funny.

No Cannonballs (the Civil War relic; jumping in the pool like that is fine).

No Drugs In Pool Area (if you’re unsure of what constitutes a drug, please bring the items to a lifeguard, who will check them out for you).