You probably have questions about me. I am, after all, seven-figures big, an unheard-of sum for a relatively unknown writer. What would it be like to have me, you wonder? Is there any hope of my ever being earned out? And now: Should I be shared with Alexis Nowicki, the woman on whom the short story was based?

This spooky Halloween episode of Talkward welcomes humor writer and performer James Folta! James writes for The New Yorker, McSweeney's , Weekly Humorist and is the Managing Editor of Points In Case. James also is a co-founder of The Satire and Humor Festival which is in NYC in March but just announced a pop-up weekend in Chicago in November! Check it out here and go! We discuss Halloween costumes, writing, book publishing and James' current projects in writing and pitching new narrative humor podcasts.  Also, who knew how bad at math we both are! Jokes! James also teaches humor and parody. Follow him on twitter @JamesFolta and we'll see you at the festival!

Put pancake mix into a ketchup bottle for easy squeezing. This will give you more time to write forced, unnatural dialogue.