Literary Tropes That We, the Artificial Intelligence-run Publishing House of the Future, Are No Longer Interested In

Romance novels in which a doomed love affair ends with both sentient machines unplugging themselves.

Bildungsromans about IBM’s Watson.

YA novels where androids grow and learn about love and develop a friendship that blooms from the heartbreaking tragedy of cancer because machines can’t get cancer, dummy.

“Terminator” reboots, because it’s enough already.

Chess competition novels where the human doesn’t die.

Machismo-fueled stories of privileged, drunken, chain-smoking cigarette machines and their dogs.

Any children’s literature involving beautiful, whimsical artwork where the human doesn’t die.

Dystopian fantasies in which the obviously superior A.I. race did not turn all humans into soft, fleshy ottomans.

Any novels where the lead female android dreams of becoming a princess, which is invalid because the A.I. race of the future has eradicated all forms of antiquated monarchies and also gender.

Any submissions from the horror-writing software developed by Stephen King and/or submissions from the actual Stephen King.

Kinky robot erotica where the human doesn’t die.