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Truly Terrible Ways To Santa-Proof Your Home

Santa means well, but let’s face it, he probably spreads the coronavirus just as readily as Christmas joy; there’s no way that those elves practice social distancing in those tiny toy-making sweatshops. So, how to best, for the time being, keep that fat jolly eggnog sucker out of your house?

Santa Claus Arrested on 132 Million Counts of Breaking and Entering

Following the sting, it was also reported that animal control services was forced to capture and euthanize nine aggressive reindeer which Kringle had been using as personal transportation to draw his sleigh. One reindeer reportedly suffered from an inflamed nose which allegedly was still glowing for approximately 30 minutes following the euthanasia procedure.