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Sedona's Bell Rock Energy Vortex Yelp Review: One Star

The only way to feel the electricity in this sacred electromagnetic hotspot is to bathe in the red dirt. But I couldn't feel anything with elderly tourists watching. They kept yelling "please stop" and "is she ok?" as I stripped to my birthday suit. I heard one woman smack her husband. Following Reddit's advice, I rubbed the sacred soil into every crevice of my face, thighs, and buttocks.... And nada!

Despite the Fact That I Personally Orchestrated His Release From Arkham Asylum, It Is Not My Responsibility as Mayor of Gotham City to Protect Citizens From Mr. Freeze

Only the strong who have a $50,000 backup generator in their basement will survive. The weak (poor), who do not have a $50,000 backup generator that has been specially programmed to be resistant to the cryogenics of Mr. Freeze will ultimately perish. Don’t blame me, blame your elected officials. No, not me. Your other elected officials.