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Don’t Say You Worship Satan If It’s Only on Halloween

Also, what are you wearing? Which part of “black robe” was too complicated? Did you really walk into our lightless abode of the damned dressed as Hellboy? And don’t even get me started with the slutty witch costumes. Why tempt our dread master Lucifer’s wrath by baring your cleavage at him? I think he’s made it abundantly clear he’s an ass man.

Debuting on Broadband: The Book of Zuckerberg 

Hello! My name is Elder Zuckerberg and I would like to share with you the most amazing update to my book. The good book. The Facebook. Not only can you follow your friends, but now, you can also follow God with the help of the new worship features available to you. That’s right, sinners. I brought God to Facebook so you can experience salvation.