Truly Terrible Used Car Checklist
Make Sure To Read This Checklist Before Buying A Used Car!
Do your research to see if anyone was ever murdered in the car. If so, the ghosts of the victims may not get along with the ghosts of the people who you plan to murder in the car.
Does the car come complete with a baby seat in the back? Great! But where is the baby that goes into the seat? Don’t be afraid to barter here. You could sell a baby for a LOT of money!
Are you planning on buying an evil, possessed car, like Christine? Be wary, as it may get jealous and kill all of your friends and family. On the other hand, the gas tank opening usually gives a great blow job. So, you know, mileage may vary (no pun intended).
Has the seller cleaned out the car? Are there several crumpled fast food bags in the back seat? Do they still contain any leftover food? They put so many preservatives in fast food, you can probably cobble together a reasonably sized feast!
Make sure that’s definitely a rear view mirror decoration and not a dried and cured strip of a possum’s umbilical cord. Seriously, do it now and then thank me later.
Most people don’t know to check a used car for wasps or hornets nests. If the seller won’t take care of the situation, have them at least throw in a free beekeeper’s outfit.
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Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence
