I hope this email finds you well. I’m looking forward to collaborating with you on excavating a demon from my mortal soul. Unfortunately, I’m at full capacity this week and will be unable to accommodate this ritual in my schedule until midway through Q4.
Pennywise: I really want to reclaim some time for myself. Maybe go back to clown college. Being a shape-shifting manifestation of children’s nightmares can be so draining. I’m tired of watching my victims float around all day while I do all the work. I’ve finally realized it’s MY turn to float down a lazy river sipping a mocktail while clocking in some well-deserved PTO (Pennywise Time Off).
You see Creekerella recently stood behind a group of marginalized people who Fairy King DeSantis was trying to smite. Officially, Creekerella, The Reedy Creek Improvement District, and the Walt Disney Co always support marginalized people. Sometimes they just take a little time to assess the financial and political fallback, as is good business.
Dinner will be held during golden hour at 7 p.m sharp. If you are late, you will not be in the photo. A stone will be rolled in front of the door as soon as I break the bread.
After hours of deliberation and brainstorming to find the best way to combine our two great names, we’ve decided on Front-tit.
The Starbucks Mermaid: My favorite kind of woman: silent and impossible to get pregnant because her lower half is a fish. She always keeps me coming back for more by running hot and cold. If I ever met her I’d tell her that my coffee isn’t the ONLY thing about me that’s grande. Rating: 8/10