Entries by Graeme Carey


Originals

Even Though the Office Is Still Completely Engulfed in Flames, I’m Gonna Need You All to Come Back in Full Time

That said, going forward I expect everyone to come in at least 40 hours a week, which, coincidentally, is the exact amount of time that the human body can withstand such temperatures before their internal organs begin to melt. Failure to show up for the full 40 hours will be taken as your resignation.

Best Of 2021

Gregor Samsa Returns to Work

I want you all to know that, despite the fact that I now take the form of a monstrous vermin, I’m still the same old Gregor, who listens to yacht rock at his desk and loves the Mets (even though they’re killing me, haha). The only difference is I now have six legs and a hard exoskeleton covering my entire body. Still, I don’t expect any special treatment from anyone.

Originals

What the Hell, Hummingbirds?

Screw that! You’re not special, just because you flap your wings up to 80 times per second and have a heart rate that reaches 1,260 beats per minute. Big whoop! I have a heart too you know, and while it might not beat as fast as yours does, it can still break when its birdwatching needs go unfulfilled.