https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/ross-feat.png 330 432 Shannon Carpenter https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Shannon Carpenter2021-12-14 22:12:032022-01-02 14:31:07Bob Ross Teaches the Joy of Painting Your Crippling Anxiety
Bob Ross Teaches the Joy of Painting Your Crippling Anxiety
Let’s get started. Today we are going to put some of nature’s masterpieces right here on the canvas. We’ll use about a dozen magical colors and the same number of imagined heart attacks.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/cheese-feat.png 330 432 Robert Criss https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Robert Criss2021-11-26 17:57:092022-01-02 14:31:42The Doctor Says I Need More Cheese In My Diet And That You Can Take It Up With Him If You Disagree Or Think I’m Lying Because I’m Not
The Doctor Says I Need More Cheese In My Diet And That You Can Take It Up With Him If You Disagree Or Think I’m Lying Because I’m Not
You think I’m lying? Well, he actually thought you might say that and he told me to tell you that you can take it up with him if that’s the case. He doesn’t like when people don’t trust his prognoses. Takes that kind’ve thing really seriously. So you can take that up with him.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/bros-feat.png 330 432 Ellen Harrold https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Ellen Harrold2021-11-19 17:05:512022-01-02 14:33:28Straight Guys: Love 3-in-1 Shampoo, Conditioner & Body Wash? Meet Your New Must-Haves
Straight Guys: Love 3-in-1 Shampoo, Conditioner & Body Wash? Meet Your New Must-Haves
5-in-1 Scented Spray: Cologne, Air Freshener, Deodorant, Detergent & Breath Spray. When it comes to strong, masculine scents, here is the truth most people won’t tell you: more is more.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/angry-bearded-feat.png 330 432 James Marino https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png James Marino2021-11-12 05:49:222022-01-02 14:34:17I Must Regretfully Decline Your Invitation to Beef
I Must Regretfully Decline Your Invitation to Beef
My enemies list is highly exclusive and that membership has been closed since you were an ill-considered gleam in your whiskey-addled father’s eye.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/slurp-feat.png 330 432 Jeremy Hooper https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Jeremy Hooper2021-11-12 05:10:442022-01-02 14:35:49Snap, Crackle, Pop, Slurp: An Oral History
Snap, Crackle, Pop, Slurp: An Oral History
SNAP: All was going well. Kellogg’s was happy. CRACKLE: But Slurp was really hitting the milk hard. It started with Skim, but he was on Whole benders soon enough.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/pants-feat.png 330 432 Sarah Garfinkel https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Sarah Garfinkel2021-11-11 22:41:522022-01-02 14:37:07The Online Reviews I’m Endlessly Scrolling to Find
The Online Reviews I’m Endlessly Scrolling to Find
Finally: The Most Comfortable Pants In The World That No One Will Say Look Comfortable: I’ve worn these outside the house at least twenty different times and not one person (knock on wood) has said, “I like your pants, they look super comfortable.” Instead, they just say the first part of that sentence and then stop. I am amazed!
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/sex-toys-merchant-feat.png 330 432 Rochelle Elana Fisher https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Rochelle Elana Fisher2021-11-09 22:25:182022-01-02 14:37:45The Merchant of Venice Emails His Shipping Container Company To Inquire About His Delayed Sex Goods
The Merchant of Venice Emails His Shipping Container Company To Inquire About His Delayed Sex Goods
These nasty novelties are needed at once for gifts — this Christian can not ruin Christmas for lonely men seeking safe pleasure play during these plague-ed times. NOW, YOU MUST HONOR OUR AGREED PRICE TO DELIVER THE GOODS and stop this coitus supply interruptus.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/wedding-feat.png 330 432 Michael Leonetti https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Michael Leonetti2021-11-03 20:02:302022-01-02 14:38:51Amendments to Your Wedding Guest List From Your Mom
Amendments to Your Wedding Guest List From Your Mom
Remove: The Caterers You’ve Hired: Tell them they won’t be needed, or welcome. Your Nonna said she would take care of all the food and that a family meal would be her wedding gift. She’ll unfortunately be stirring the gravy during your ceremony, so you’ll have to get married again at a later date for her to watch. Maybe the second time can be in a church instead of on some bucolic estate?
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/photo-young-worker-man-20s-wearing-office-clothes-headset-smiling-talking-with-clients-call-center-feat.png 330 432 Sue Gelber https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Sue Gelber2021-10-21 18:30:402022-01-02 14:39:20I’m Michael Myers from Halloween and I Just Want to Talk About Your Car’s Extended Warranty
I’m Michael Myers from Halloween and I Just Want to Talk About Your Car’s Extended Warranty
You can shoot me in the chest, gouge my eyes out, stab me with a knife, impale me with a knitting needle, burn me alive, hit me with a truck, throw me down a mine shaft and blast me with dynamite, electrocute me, trap me in a room full of gas and light a match, throw me off a roof, and behead me with an ax, but nothing will stop me from coming back again and trying to sell you this warranty.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/candy-feat.png 330 432 Julie Vick https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Julie Vick2021-10-20 20:28:282022-01-02 19:14:22Little-Known Backstories of Misunderstood Halloween Candies
Little-Known Backstories of Misunderstood Halloween Candies
A great treat for kids who are too young to smoke, but still want to look cool. The candy cigarette paved the way for the invention of candy chewing tobacco, and candy nicotine patches. These are hard to find nowadays - tobacco companies want kids to vape, anyway!
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/goodp-2-feat.png 330 432 Vince LiCata https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Vince LiCata2021-10-19 20:01:562022-01-02 15:52:03Upcoming Episodes on Season 2 of The Goop Lab
Upcoming Episodes on Season 2 of The Goop Lab
Episode 2: "Hair's to Ya". Covers armpit hair, leg hair, arm hair, eyebrows, back hair, butt hair, ear hair, nose hair, and vaginal steaming. Special guest: a man who has dressed as a Wookiee for the entirety of his adult life, so far. Bonus video illustrates how to perform a scalp transplant using common household items and organic cleaning supplies.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/FLY-FEAT.png 330 432 Graeme Carey https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Graeme Carey2021-10-14 21:50:412022-01-02 14:40:00Gregor Samsa Returns to Work
Gregor Samsa Returns to Work
I want you all to know that, despite the fact that I now take the form of a monstrous vermin, I'm still the same old Gregor, who listens to yacht rock at his desk and loves the Mets (even though they’re killing me, haha). The only difference is I now have six legs and a hard exoskeleton covering my entire body. Still, I don't expect any special treatment from anyone.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/strange-feat.png 330 432 Caleb Coy https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Caleb Coy2021-10-13 02:43:252022-01-02 14:41:50Variants of Benedict Cumberbatch We Expect to See in The Multiverse of Madness
Variants of Benedict Cumberbatch We Expect to See in The Multiverse of Madness
Megabit Colormatch, Bedouin Stumbled Back, Benadryl McCumber Act, and more!
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/cats-tweets-feat.png 330 432 Alexandra Bowman https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Alexandra Bowman2021-10-01 17:38:462022-01-02 14:43:43Trump Live-Tweets the Cats Movie
Trump Live-Tweets the Cats Movie
I can’t stand back and watch Macavity defy the Law of the beautiful city of London. Total lack of leadership from Boris Johnson. If I were in charge over there, Macavity would not be the bafflement of Scotland Yard. Because he’d be IN JAIL!
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/landlord-cat-feat.png 330 432 Jenna Carrens https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Jenna Carrens2021-09-30 18:51:592022-01-02 15:55:19Additional Clauses to Your NYC Apartment Lease Rider: An Excerpt of a Handwritten Legal Document from My New Landlord
Additional Clauses to Your NYC Apartment Lease Rider: An Excerpt of a Handwritten Legal Document from My New Landlord
153) Absolutely no noise after 10:00pm, even television, on any given day of the week: I mean it, there are no exceptions to this rule. Although it is only two beats total, my cat is trained to wake me at the opening sound of any Netflix show.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/mad-libs-feat.png 330 432 Gregory Virgin https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Gregory Virgin2021-09-24 19:27:052022-01-02 14:44:25Stop Degrading My Stories with Your Smut: A Plea from a Former Mad Libs Writer
Stop Degrading My Stories with Your Smut: A Plea from a Former Mad Libs Writer
At a recent garage sale, I stumbled upon a used copy of Wackadoodle Mad Libs, one of my proudest literary achievements. Naturally, I was eager to flip through this old classic and personally witness the innocent sparks of imagination that my prose had fostered. What I saw instead was alarming, and more specifically, disgusting. Nearly every word that had been penciled into this children’s book was a reference to private body parts and/or their functional versatility. This is not an appropriate use of my work, and it must not continue.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/keyboard-feay.png 330 432 Amy Currul https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Amy Currul2021-09-23 17:04:372022-01-02 14:44:59I'm Your Computer Keyboard And I'm Begging You, Please Stop Eating Over Me
I'm Your Computer Keyboard And I'm Begging You, Please Stop Eating Over Me
If we can’t fix your messy eating, then we’re going to need to amp up your cleaning habits because as of right now, you’re not doing much for me. Your idea of “cleaning” is turning me over, rapidly shaking me, and wiping whatever debris came out onto the floor and straight into the rug.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/loki-feat.png 330 432 Rob Walker https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Rob Walker2021-09-06 21:01:542022-01-02 14:45:19Other Marvel What If...?
Other Marvel What If...?
Loki got therapy and wasn't such a catty bitch. Instead of building the Iron Man suit to fight the same arms dealers his company supplied, Tony Stark uses his vast fortune to pilot a spacecraft to Earth's upper atmosphere. When he lands, he's inexplicably wearing a cowboy hat. And more!
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/gollum-feat.png 330 432 Jenn Knott https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Jenn Knott2021-09-05 17:07:412022-01-02 14:45:38Gollum, Used Car Salesman
Gollum, Used Car Salesman
They stole the ring from us - but they can never steal our passion for matching qualified buyers with the used vehicles of their dark, prophetic dreams! Show him the 2007 Ford Taurus, Precious! / Yes, look Master! A mid-sized family sedan that gets 25 miles to the gallon!
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/rudebook-feat-1.png 330 432 Kit Lively https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Kit Lively2021-08-26 18:54:542022-01-02 18:21:53Rudebook Magazine
Looking Good: 12 Ways To Find and Keep Unattractive Friends To Stand Next To,Lithium: Cheer up any dish with this surprise seasoning, 'Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!' And Other Things To Yell During Orgasm, and more in this issue of Rudebook Magazine.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/director-feat.png 330 432 Ivan Ehlers https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Ivan Ehlers2021-08-25 20:38:532022-01-02 14:49:01How To Direct Actors
How To Direct Actors
Contrary to what their paychecks would suggest, movies are not just made of stars. Actors in supporting roles are either up-and-coming bit players hoping to become movie stars, or over-the-hill movie stars looking to prolong their last fleeting moments of fame. Regardless of which side of the chute they land on, it is imperative that you remind them at every opportunity that they are not the stars of this film. The director is the star of this film.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/books-trump-feat.png 330 432 Mike Reiss https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Mike Reiss2021-08-20 19:42:532022-01-02 14:51:55New Trump Books Out This Week
New Trump Books Out This Week
"Who Moved My Cheeseburger?" "Profiles in Cursing" and more!
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/columbo-feat.png 330 432 Nolan Yard https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Nolan Yard2021-08-19 06:10:442022-01-02 14:53:12Columbo Gets a Tennis Lesson
Columbo Gets a Tennis Lesson
Columbo: You know, I gotta thank you for clarifying. I’ve always been confused about how the whole scoring thing works. So does this mean, if I get no points when I’m not serving, my opponent has to call me “love” before they serve?
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/80sprops-feat.png 330 432 Keri Kelly https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Keri Kelly2021-08-18 21:52:502022-01-02 14:53:47Eighties Sitcom Props: Where Are They Now?
Eighties Sitcom Props: Where Are They Now?
Fake Cheesecake, The Golden Girls: Fake Cheesecake is still steadily working and was recently spotted in the bakery-themed Hallmark Rom-Com, A Beefcake with a Cheesecake.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/bezos-feat.png 330 432 Daniel Stillman https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Daniel Stillman2021-07-20 18:56:072022-01-02 15:15:29The Aliens On Mars Respond To Jeff Bezos’ Inhabitance There 5 Years From Now
The Aliens On Mars Respond To Jeff Bezos’ Inhabitance There 5 Years From Now
From what I heard about Earth, this kind of colonization of peaceful places is...common? Things have gotten so much worse despite the ominous smile logo of the company that’s now on our new planet flag.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/love-shack-feat.png 330 432 Emily Kling https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Emily Kling2021-07-15 22:13:172022-01-02 16:15:49AirBnB Listing for the Love Shack
AirBnB Listing for the Love Shack
Other Things to Note: The air conditioner is busted, so you might find yourself wearin’ next to nothing ‘cause it’s hot as an oven. Also, the whole shack shimmies when everybody’s movin’ around. Will this be an issue? Only if you find yourselves having a pure and innocent dance party!
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/klondike-bar-feat.png 330 432 Rodney Uhler https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Rodney Uhler2021-06-24 17:39:302022-01-02 14:19:22The Unspeakable Things I've Done for a Klondike Bar
The Unspeakable Things I've Done for a Klondike Bar
A tempting talisman. It turns out the first thing I would do for a Klondike bar is to ask my mother, Cheryl, for one. But, the real question, it turns out, is what wouldn’t I do for a Klondike Bar?
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/puffer-popcorn-feat.png 330 432 Brian Boone https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Brian Boone2021-06-22 21:39:252022-01-02 14:18:58These Foods Could Be Killing You!
These Foods Could Be Killing You!
Hummus: According to experts, 1 in 20 tubs of commercially produced hummus contains a bloodthirsty shark. Hummus companies are not sure why.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/summer-reads-feat.png 330 432 Bobbie Armstrong https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Bobbie Armstrong2021-06-17 20:53:092022-01-02 14:18:33Must-Have Summer Beach Reads
Must-Have Summer Beach Reads
Malibu Rising by Taylor Jenkins Reid: I was so hungry and weak that all I can remember are the rich descriptions of all the decadent meals the family ate together. I began to suspect the end was near when turkey vultures spent the morning cawing while they circled my body. Despite this, Reid’s masterful description of BBQ inspired me to use the last of my strength to strangle a baboon with my bare hands. It was delicious. Highly recommend this book.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/farter-feat.png 330 432 Grace Smith https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Grace Smith2021-06-15 21:25:142022-01-02 14:18:0820 Mugs To Get Your Dad For Father’s Day Because You Don’t Really Know Him
20 Mugs To Get Your Dad For Father’s Day Because You Don’t Really Know Him
“I LOVE YOU” MUG This feels aggressive. “WE LOVE YOU” MUG You don’t want to speak for your siblings. And more.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/cap-feat.png 330 432 Chandra Steele https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Chandra Steele2021-06-04 18:20:252022-01-02 14:16:39CAPTCHAs for Women
CAPTCHAs for Women
Which of these pop stars from your youth were treated unfairly in ways that damaged your own sense of self? Hint: This is a trick, it’s all of them.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/et-bill-feat.png 330 432 Jason Garramone https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Jason Garramone2021-06-03 19:45:182022-01-02 14:16:17E.T. Receives A 39 Year Overdue Phone Bill For Interplanetary Roaming Charges
E.T. Receives A 39 Year Overdue Phone Bill For Interplanetary Roaming Charges
Since your account balance has been in arrears for over 39 Earth rotations around the sun, we contacted a debt collector. And by debt collector we mean an interplanetary bounty hunter. There was some Boba someone or other who seemed pretty keen on bringing you in, but then a group of Predators were willing to do it for free.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/rating-feat.png 330 432 Tom Longano https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Tom Longano2021-05-20 19:43:322022-01-02 14:13:23An Honest and Thoughtful Online Review of Timmy’s Sleepover
An Honest and Thoughtful Online Review of Timmy’s Sleepover
[EDIT- Timmy’s parents insisted I remove this last sentence, calling it slander, but in the hall I also heard them talking about that “weird little grumpy kid” who was staying over, and “why was Timmy even friends with him?”, so I have little sympathy for arguments citing slander.]
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/tax-feat.png 330 432 Talia Argondezzi https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Talia Argondezzi2021-05-17 19:53:322022-01-02 14:12:39If Everyone Did Their Jobs Like the IRS
If Everyone Did Their Jobs Like the IRS
Students: Are you going to grade this test? Teacher: Heavens no! But I might in like twelve years. If I find out then that you got any answers wrong, you're going to jail.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/centur-feat.png 330 432 Arie Kaplan https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Arie Kaplan2021-05-12 22:31:462022-01-02 14:12:07Thanks To The Pandemic, Nobody Cares That I’m A Centaur
Thanks To The Pandemic, Nobody Cares That I’m A Centaur
Look, I can think of a LOT of downsides to this pandemic. This constant, gnawing sense of uncertainty, a vague creeping panic over what tomorrow might bring, the inability to leave your house or live an ordinary life, maybe forever! But there ARE upsides. For me, anyway. Because thanks to the pandemic, nobody cares that I’m a centaur!
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/love-ghost-feat.png 330 432 Amanda Brennan https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Amanda Brennan2021-05-06 21:25:012022-01-02 14:10:07I Don’t Wear Makeup For Men, I Wear Makeup For The Ghost of The Confederate Soldier Who Haunts My Apartment
I Don’t Wear Makeup For Men, I Wear Makeup For The Ghost of The Confederate Soldier Who Haunts My Apartment
He’s not really one for this world, so we pretty much stay in the apartment. And he’s not totally outdated—recently he discovered Fox News and absolutely loves it.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/fish-facts-feat.png 330 432 Noel Spangler https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Noel Spangler2021-05-04 21:50:212022-01-02 14:09:12Fact Check: A Race of Fish-Eating Monsters Does Not Live Above Water
Fact Check: A Race of Fish-Eating Monsters Does Not Live Above Water
“Many fish get lost if they go too far up,” says Bass. “But that doesn’t mean they’re leaving the water or getting transported to some mystical ‘dry land’ where they’re chopped to pieces and devoured by walking-talking giants. Those stories are pure make-believe.”
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/private-browser-feat.png 330 432 Daniel Sidman https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Daniel Sidman2021-04-27 20:59:282022-01-02 16:14:34I’m Your Web Browser’s Private Mode And We Need To Talk
I’m Your Web Browser’s Private Mode And We Need To Talk
Why do I have to be reserved for the filth? For the dirty work? For scoping out past significant others or scouring social media accounts for details on future Hinge dates, or looking up the activities of current archrivals to ensure that they’re not more successful than you are? Or looking up things about QAnon? For your deep dives into pornography in the middle of the day while you “work from home”? For your shameful schadenfreude? Why do you save this spelunking for me?
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/skincare-feat.png 330 432 Rebecca Turkewitz https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Rebecca Turkewitz2021-04-23 21:10:002022-01-02 19:18:59I am Definitely Not Friending You on Facebook Just to Sell You Skincare Products
I am Definitely Not Friending You on Facebook Just to Sell You Skincare Products
Hello again! I see you updated your profile picture. I love that you’re going for the natural look and really embracing your wrinkles. I really admire your bravery. I wish I were that brave. Instead, I hide behind this anti-wrinkle serum...
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/frenchdiet-feat.png 330 432 Mick Cohen-Carroll https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Mick Cohen-Carroll2021-04-21 18:59:542022-01-02 14:08:10Lose Weight The French Way: 5 Diet Tips REVEALED!
Lose Weight The French Way: 5 Diet Tips REVEALED!
3. Smoke. Ah, the yoga of the French. Their daily practice of loosening the body, stretching the sense of good breath and firming up their hand to mouth coordination starts young and never stops.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/palm-fea.png 330 432 AJ DiCosimo https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png AJ DiCosimo2021-04-15 22:31:542022-01-02 14:56:0817 Extinct Dog Breeds
17 Extinct Dog Breeds
Palmeranian (phylangesis floofli) A toy breed known for its ability to hold a basketball and to tell the future the Palmeranian became threatened after the invention of gloves and mittens which led to its inevitable suffocation.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/nft-feat2.png 330 432 Lily Feinn and illustrator Marian Blair https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Lily Feinn and illustrator Marian Blair2021-04-08 22:16:102022-01-02 14:09:31NFTs You Might Want To Buy From Me
NFTs You Might Want To Buy From Me
These are going fast and you do not want to be left out! Illustrated list by Tiny Beast Comics.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/goodnightson-feat.png 330 432 Chloe Schneider https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Chloe Schneider2021-04-06 22:25:362022-01-02 14:04:38Goodnight, Son: A Bedtime Story For Your Manchild
Goodnight, Son: A Bedtime Story For Your Manchild
In the not-so-guest bedroom / There was a full-sized race car bed / And my 398-month-old son tucked away, watching Beavis and Butthead
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/ramona-feat.png 330 432 Jeremy Hooper https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Jeremy Hooper2021-04-01 21:41:362022-01-02 14:04:12Ramona Quimby, Age 48
Ramona Quimby, Age 48
“What does she mean ‘don’t be late?’” grumbled Ramona. Just because her older sister is in her fifties, Beezus thinks she’s so special. She’s always bragging about all the hormone replacement she gets to do, as if it’s some big deal or something. “I get hot flashes too,” Ramona groused.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/terrible-tv-feat.png 330 432 Kit Lively https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Kit Lively2021-03-26 21:34:202022-01-02 14:03:32Truly Terrible TV/Movie Pitches
Truly Terrible TV/Movie Pitches
Bachelord Of The Rings: Lord Of The Rings cosplay enthusiasts vie for the romantic attention of a beautiful model, who spends the better portion of the season pushing heavy furniture in order to block her dressing room door.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/rapture-feat.png 330 432 Nick DiMaso https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Nick DiMaso2021-03-25 21:35:112022-01-02 15:51:33In Your Freakin’ Face! I Got Raptured!
In Your Freakin’ Face! I Got Raptured!
Well, this was my revenge plan all along, you dingus! I knew if I kept the faith while you bullied me on earth, I’d get to spend an eternity rubbing it in your face while you got tortured by demons! I’ve always focused way more on the wrath part of Christianity than on the forgiveness part.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/GAS-FEAT.png 330 432 Calen MacDonald https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Calen MacDonald2021-03-18 20:58:302022-01-02 14:00:25You Don't Actually Understand Gaslighting
You Don't Actually Understand Gaslighting
I can understand how you would get confused. “Gaslighting” gets thrown around so much these days that it can feel like it’s lost all meaning. But it is pretty strange that you keep saying you know what it means when everybody else disagrees with you. Literally everyone. I asked all of them.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/bed-bugs-hotel-feat.png 330 432 Madeline Schmidt https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Madeline Schmidt2021-03-16 19:40:342022-01-02 13:58:31Glowing Hotel Reviews From Bedbugs
Glowing Hotel Reviews From Bedbugs
Trump Tower, New York, NY - [5 stars] Trump Tower was a home away from home! The satin sheets had a surprisingly low thread count, but that just meant more holes for me and my family to crawl through and feast on unsuspecting prey. I was pregnant during our stay, and my bed was so comfortable that I actually gave birth to my 500 children right under the covers! Would absolutely come again.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/search-feat.png 330 432 Andy Spain https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Andy Spain2021-03-15 19:37:552022-01-02 13:58:13Introducing Giggle, the Search Engine for Determining if You Came up With a Joke or Unwittingly Ripped It off
Introducing Giggle, the Search Engine for Determining if You Came up With a Joke or Unwittingly Ripped It off
'When Peter Gabriel left the band Genesis, why didn’t they change their name to Exodus?' Good one! That has potential niche value, bridging the gap between fans of Genesis’s early prog years and people who are at least vaguely familiar with the first few books of the bible (or the Pentateuch, depending on their religion). You may have an original joke on your hands. But for a little peace of mind, let our state of the art machine learning assistant double check that for you. The Giggle search engine has returned just one result:
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/fox-insox2-feat.png 330 432 Joe Blevins https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Joe Blevins2021-03-05 19:02:042022-01-02 18:17:15Lost Dr. Seuss Book: Fox in Socks 2: A Descent Into Madness- Much Worse Then The Others!
Lost Dr. Seuss Book: Fox in Socks 2: A Descent Into Madness- Much Worse Then The Others!
If they're struggling with the drugs while they're chugging from a bottle, And they hide drugs up their buttholes just to get across the border, That's a druggy chugging wuggle buggle bottle butthole border struggle.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/airbnb-feat2.png 330 432 Johanna Gohmann https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Johanna Gohmann2021-03-04 22:05:152022-01-02 13:57:13Welcome to Your Pandemic Airbnb Rental
Welcome to Your Pandemic Airbnb Rental
We invite you to help yourself to the small collection of books in the living room. While the sampling of Danielle Steele and Bill O’Reilly’s Culture Warrior may cause you to roll your eyes and deduce that we are backwards idiots, please know we have made similar assumptions about you based upon your Vampire Weekend t-shirts and many cases of flavored seltzer.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/birds-home-feat.png 330 432 Brett Miller https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Brett Miller2021-03-04 21:19:592022-01-02 13:57:47Home Depot’s Updated In-Store Bird Policy
Home Depot’s Updated In-Store Bird Policy
Thank you for choosing Home Depot, where doers get more done.…
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/writig-quiz-feat.jpg 330 432 Annette Storckman https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Annette Storckman2021-03-02 20:09:342022-01-02 13:56:34Is Your Writing Career Fledgling, Emerging or Buried Under Ground Like a Lost Treasure?
Is Your Writing Career Fledgling, Emerging or Buried Under Ground Like a Lost Treasure?
If you want some help, take this quiz to find out where your career stands.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/video-feat.jpg 330 432 Adam Dietz https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Adam Dietz2021-02-25 22:19:212022-01-02 13:55:44Questions That Future Generations Might Have About Video Stores
Questions That Future Generations Might Have About Video Stores
If the video store wasn’t open, but you wanted to watch something, did you just break in and take what you wanted or did you scream at the top of your lungs until something eventually happened?
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/offline-feat.jpg 330 432 Thomas Wykes https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Thomas Wykes2021-02-24 20:44:322022-01-02 13:55:09Offline Dating and Other Things to Try After the Pandemic
Offline Dating and Other Things to Try After the Pandemic
So many new things to soon explore! Illustrated list by Thomas Wykes.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/errands-feat.png 330 432 Caitlin Kunkel https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Caitlin Kunkel2021-02-23 22:47:542022-01-02 16:14:07Errands I'm Going to Run While I Wait for My Covid Test Results
Errands I'm Going to Run While I Wait for My Covid Test Results
On my way back from the gym, I’ll quickly pop into the grocery store, butcher, fish shop, bakery, a nail salon, and a real estate office to see about taking some apartment tours in the next few days. Rent prices are actually pretty good right now for some reason, so I’m going to set up 7-9 tours for the next few days. Want to get them done in case I actually do have Covid, haha (unlikely, I’ve been so careful, especially when I was in Mexico).
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/magic-feat.png 330 432 Joseph Thomas https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Joseph Thomas2021-02-23 22:14:552022-01-02 13:54:44People You Really Don’t Want to Hear Say, “I’m Not a Magician”
People You Really Don’t Want to Hear Say, “I’m Not a Magician”
The plumber, The loan officer, The financial advisor when you plead with her to find a way to replenish your daughter's college fund. And More!
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/venmo-alerts-feat.png 330 432 Hannah Benson https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Hannah Benson2021-02-17 20:48:442022-01-02 13:54:168 Public Venmo Exchanges your Subconcious Didn't Need to Overanalyze Today
8 Public Venmo Exchanges your Subconcious Didn't Need to Overanalyze Today
$42.00 from your therapist to her friend Krista for “cocktails Thursday night” - only two hours after your evening session. Is your stress so damn taxing on your therapist that she simply has no choice but to drink her annoyance away? Are you what’s pushing her to have to unwind like this? This feels like a slippery slope.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/teddy-feat.png 330 432 Jennie Egerdie https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Jennie Egerdie2021-02-15 20:19:552022-01-02 18:27:18Who Said It: Theodore Roosevelt or Theodore Roosevelt from Night At The Museum?
Who Said It: Theodore Roosevelt or Theodore Roosevelt from Night At The Museum?
“Bodily vigor is good, and vigor of intellect is even better, but far above both is character.” 2. “A great democracy has got to be progressive, or it will soon cease to be neither great nor a democracy.” 3. “I’m made of wax, Larry.”
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/calu-feat.png 330 432 Lauren Kelmar https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Lauren Kelmar2021-02-09 22:40:142022-01-02 13:53:07Sorry! These 5 Beloved Children Show Characters Grew Up To Be Republicans
Sorry! These 5 Beloved Children Show Characters Grew Up To Be Republicans
Caillou from Caillou: Is this one really a surprise? Caillou is entitled, bratty, and viewed as a negative influence on children. It’s no shock that he grew up to become a Republican. He throws temper tantrums to get his way and is never punished for his actions. Caillou definitely stormed the Capitol.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/bond-hr-feat.png 330 432 Nicole Hebdon https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Nicole Hebdon2021-02-02 23:33:532022-01-02 13:52:38Human Resource Emails Sent to James Bond
Human Resource Emails Sent to James Bond
Hi everyone. I didn’t want to single anyone out, but it has come to my attention that some agents have been intimate with clients, and targets, and targets’ widows. This is just a reminder that someone cannot consent if they are afraid for their life. I have attached the code of conduct.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/stock-feat.png 330 432 Emily Flake https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Emily Flake2021-01-29 17:31:142022-01-02 13:51:36So, Honey, I Might Have Accidentally Drunk-bought Some GameStop Stock
So, Honey, I Might Have Accidentally Drunk-bought Some GameStop Stock
No, no, you’re right, of course. Let me see if I can retrace my steps and figure out exactly how I bought in so I can… un-buy in? Whatever you call it. Unless we want to hold onto it and see how high it goes before it crashes? Ow! Ok, you’re right, but you didn’t have to smack me.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/outdoor-feat.png 330 432 Hilary Allison https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Hilary Allison2021-01-29 16:53:352022-01-02 13:45:043 Restaurant Concepts Built to Last Through the Winter of Covid-19
3 Restaurant Concepts Built to Last Through the Winter of Covid-19
1. SNØRDNØRT: Inspired by Norwegian cuisine and culture, this outdoor-only dining destination welcomes the winter. “Of course it’s going to be cold outside. And dark.” SNØRDNØRT also employs a paramedic on-site, to tell you when you have legit developed frostbite and need to leave.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/knights-feat.png 330 432 Bobbie Armstrong https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Bobbie Armstrong2021-01-26 23:13:312022-01-02 13:50:46The Cavalry Is Running Late
The Cavalry Is Running Late
2:25 p.m.: Had to turn back. Alvin forgot his horse. Don’t feel like you have to wait for us to start the battle! 2:27: p.m.: Is there free parking in the scorched castle? 2:30 p.m.: Can’t find the horse. Checking bottomless pit in town square.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/food-time-feat.png 330 432 Jonathan Zeller https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Jonathan Zeller2021-01-21 22:59:502022-01-02 13:49:37Your Favorite Orders on Timeless, the Time-Travel Food-Delivery Service
Your Favorite Orders on Timeless, the Time-Travel Food-Delivery Service
Recession Special from the Greenwich Village Gray’s Papaya, 2002: Our courier will bring you two hot dogs and a “banana daiquiri” drink whose taste is scarcely even related to banana. It won't be spoiled; he picked it up from 2002 five minutes ago, then jumped into his time-traveling Chevrolet Impala.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/mirror-feat.png 330 432 Briana Haynie https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Briana Haynie2021-01-20 23:08:172022-01-02 13:48:52My January Exercise Journal With My New Workout Mirror!
My January Exercise Journal With My New Workout Mirror!
Jan 5th: Did my first workout today. Phew, it’s hard to keep up with the instructor (a super smiley and toned gal named Holly) during all those thigh busting pop squats. She really understands what motivates me, like when she yells, “Every step you take gets me closer to FREEDOM!” She must know I love helping people.
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/onlyfans-pretz-feat.png 330 432 Chris Aileo https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Chris Aileo2021-01-15 22:21:372022-01-02 13:48:07Auntie Anne's Starts an OnlyFans
Auntie Anne's Starts an OnlyFans
Tier 1 - Snack Me Off - $10.00/month: This entry-level subscription will give you full access to the photo catalogue of our powdered, glazed, and salt-studded talent. Enjoy the long, seductive curves, and girthy pretzel twists that you’ve grown to miss so deeply. Gaze lustfully at our house-made lemonade dripping wet over a mound of long, steaming pretzel dogs. Uh oh, silly us-- it looks like our sweet-cream glaze is oozing all over again. But don’t get full, because it doesn’t stop there. If you buy-in now, you’ll gain access to our newest, sexiest photo-set “The Pretzel Orgy” (these are just photos of pretzels in a big pile).
https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/facebook-ai-feat.png 330 432 Geoff Line https://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/WH-color-logo-pattern-b.png Geoff Line2021-01-01 22:45:112022-01-02 13:46:09Welcome to the Zuckerberg Mansion Audio Tour
Welcome to the Zuckerberg Mansion Audio Tour
You may have noticed you’re being followed. Don’t panic. The fully realized T-800 behind you was originally intended to guard the estate. Instead, Mr. Zuckerberg programmed the killing machine to be his friend, and lose against him in laser-tag. Now he’s just lonely. Sometimes, the two played “Spike Ball.”