Entries by James Marino


I’m Definitely Going to Get Arrested Friday

I’m going to be arrested Friday for something I haven’t done. I know I said Tuesday, but I hadn’t thought through all the steps involved. Or Saturday at the latest.

Best of 2022

Don’t Say You Worship Satan If It’s Only on Halloween

Also, what are you wearing? Which part of “black robe” was too complicated? Did you really walk into our lightless abode of the damned dressed as Hellboy? And don’t even get me started with the slutty witch costumes. Why tempt our dread master Lucifer’s wrath by baring your cleavage at him? I think he’s made it abundantly clear he’s an ass man.

Best of 2022

If the Liberals Have Their Way, There Will Be No Bangable Chocolate at All

I mean, have you ever tried to get past first base with a Hershey’s Kiss? It’s beyond frustrating. But you try, and try again, and then you go home still horny, with all these little incriminating bits of aluminum foil that your wife asks suspicious questions about.