Best Of 2021

Other Marvel What If…?

by Rob Walker
Since time immemorial, I, UATU, and others of my race have beheld the myriad wonders of the Marvel universe. Our charge, our most sacred trust is that we observe but never interfere. Instead, we watch every possible turn of chance that may stray from one timeline to another. In one reality a radioactive spider bites a meek high school student and grants him great power and great responsibility. In another universe, that same high school student turns in a paper on Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged. With each decision made or chance taken we ask ourselves…
What If…? 

Frank Castle’s family isn’t murdered by gangsters resulting in him becoming The Punisher. Instead, he leads the life of a normal, law-abiding citizen. Since right-wing extremists no longer have the Punisher skull logo to indicate their support of extrajudicial murder, these extremists now use the emblem of the Dominos Pizza Noid.

Peter Parker’s radioactive spider bite results in him becoming the same friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. However, his webs are now released three horrific anatomical spinnerets on his perineum.

Loki got therapy and wasn’t such a catty bitch.

Instead of building the Iron Man suit to fight the same arms dealers his company supplied, Tony Stark uses his vast fortune to pilot a spacecraft to Earth’s upper atmosphere. When he lands, he’s inexplicably wearing a cowboy hat.

After being chosen for the Weapon X program, Wolverine’s bones are coated in a sweet, delicious nougat and his claws are replaced with two giant espresso machines. He is murdered almost instantly by anti-mutant forces.



Someone, anyone, attempts to put Scarlet Witch in super-prison. I mean, Jesus Christ, no one even attempted to detain her after she kidnapped all those people and puppeteered them around a town for months. WTF?!

Dog-World. Is that anything?