It's Fart-Twenty—Time to Get My Public Farting Buzz On!

How great is it that I can blaze up some stew and stroll wherever I please—a river walk like this one, or a botanic garden, or a national monument folks have waited their whole lives to visit—while farting to my heart’s content? How great that everyone finally recognizes that our nation’s most wondrous spaces are even more wondrous when they smell like Joey Chestnut’s bathroom?

Goldilocks and the Pineapple Train Wreck

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who had golden, curly…