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OPINION: Sure I've Written Hundreds of Books, But I've Also Crushed a Ton of Librarian Ass by R.L Stine

Look, James Patterson may have his name on more books, but that doesn’t mean he writes them all. I still write every word myself and sexually fulfill every librarian who wants a ride.

Goosebumps Books Updated for Current Times

Please Don't Feed the Vampire! A plucky White House intern investigates the mysterious disappearance of some of Stephen Miller's staff.

Goosebumps for Reopening Cities

GRAVE NEW WORLD: Michael’s government keeps telling him it’s safe to resume normal life, even though he sees on the news that hundreds of people are still dying every day from a highly contagious virus that has no cure. Michael’s government wouldn’t be telling him to deliberately risk his and his loved ones’ health for the vague and ghoulish goal of “reopening the economy”...would it?