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Simple Airbnb Check-Out Instructions From Your Host

We hope you made yourself at home in our humble abode! This is a friendly reminder to be checked out by 9:00 tomorrow morning in order to give our cleaning crew ample time to prepare for the next guests. If you would like to request a later check-out time, feel free to message us at least 24 hours before check-out, though it looks like we are already within that window, so nevermind. 

Geoffrey’s Sad Clown Rental

These clowns are medicated right up to their blue-tear painted eyeballs and straight through their red noses (some of them snort depression cocaine). You name it, these clowns have been prescribed it. Zoloft, Prozac, low-doses of Morphine. The FDA has recently approved a new and very special niche medication, Klownopin.

CARTOON: Unreal Estate

Need more space? Today's cartoon by David Ostow.

Welcome to Your Pandemic Airbnb Rental

We invite you to help yourself to the small collection of books in the living room. While the sampling of Danielle Steele and Bill O’Reilly’s Culture Warrior may cause you to roll your eyes and deduce that we are backwards idiots, please know we have made similar assumptions about you based upon your Vampire Weekend t-shirts and many cases of flavored seltzer.