Posts

I’m Your First Sunburn of the Season, And For The Next Month I Own Your Ass

Are you stressed out at the thought of my presence? Bam! I have now resulted in sunburn blisters, popping up on top of the already overexposed flesh and leftover skin. I’m on the top of your shoulders, the back of your ribcage, I'm everywhere. I’m Beetlejuice 2.0. How do you like me now?

George Washington’s Secret to Glowing Skin

As part of InStyle’s history issue, we’re holding our beauty blenders up to the annals of time to examine the skincare routine of Founding Father George Washington. Your history teacher probably glossed over the fact that Georgie was known from sea-to-shining-sea for his luminous skin and microscopic pores. Keep in mind, this was several years before the popularity of electricity or Vogue’s Youtube channel.

New From Sephora: Motor Oil

From Sephora: The maker of Blackcurrant Oil, Argan Oil, Rose Hip Seed Oil, Marula Oil, and Dilo Oil, comes: Motor Oil - Just drizzle a dime-size amount on your palm, put on your finger, and rub under the eyes in a circular motion. Watch as the sulfur antioxidants slowly exfoliate your delicate features.

I am Definitely Not Friending You on Facebook Just to Sell You Skincare Products

Hello again! I see you updated your profile picture. I love that you’re going for the natural look and really embracing your wrinkles. I really admire your bravery. I wish I were that brave. Instead, I hide behind this anti-wrinkle serum...

We’re Updating Our Privacy Policy to Allow Us to Watch You in the Shower

Whew, this is a long email. I bet it’s worn you out! Time for a relaxing shower to get the kinks out of those knotted-up back muscles. Which reminds us—you might want to get that mole on your shoulder blade checked out, the edges are a little irregular. And hey, you don’t need to shave everything. 

It Won't Clear Up, The Acne On My Chin Has Unionized

I’m sure this won’t come as a surprise, but I can’t use those fancy vibrating face cleansers either. The last time I tried, my chin pimples went on strike. They left their positions on my chin and angrily moved to my neck, which was somehow so much worse and weirder looking.