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A Modern Guide To Translating Small Talk

"Pretty chilly today!" usually means "The army of rabid weasels that I control with my mind can be here before you have a chance to remove me from these premises."

A Toddler’s Etiquette Tips For Extricating Oneself From Boring Small Talk at a Party

Hand them a piece of clay that looks too much like poop and whisper, “I made this for you,” then disappear while they try to decipher it.