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***UPDATED: Health Advisories for Outer-Space Visitors

The Intergalactic Council for Disease Control has issued new guidance for travel to Earth, relaxing some restrictions. Most travel illnesses on Earth are minor, such as thorax rash, overhydration, or motion sickness from TikTok.

Other Presidential Conspiracy Theories

Abraham Lincoln secretly discovered the internet in 1863, but fearing the negative consequences it could have on society, he only used it for porn.