First there was the thing with Obama and his birth certificate, and then the wild speculations that the Clintons had something to do with Jeffrey Epstein’s death. Now we have both he and Rudy Giuliani mouthing off on tv with bizarre conspiracies regarding the Ukrainian situation. But what about Trump and Rudy’s other presidential conspiracy theories? How about those, huh?
Trump N’ Rudy’s Other Favorite Presidential Conspiracy Theories
Despite her famed Just Say No stance, First Lady Nancy Reagan quickly turned the White House into the white lines house, if you get our drift.
President George W. Bush rarely wore pants in public, nor needed to, as his legs and infamously small groin area were forever stained dark black from the inky discharges pumped onto him by the gallons during his twice-weekly squid wrestling sessions.
President Reagan was responsible for having the TV show Knight Rider cancelled in 1986, the concept of a talking car frightening him to the point of distraction, most likely due to a large portion of his cabinet being violently killed by the real first talking car during his inaugural year in office.
President George Washington had his wooden dentures fashioned from the discarded wooden leg of his first true love, a syphilitic prostitute who, in her madness, had fashioned what eventually became the first menu for Ruby Tuesday’s.
President Gerald Ford hired a small team of men to follow him around and make a comical honking sound each time he would reach around and squeeze one of his own buttocks.
President Nixon was planted into his position as president by several high-ranking members of the Mennonite community who had a vested interest in the success of butter-churn futures. Several dozen people tragically lost their lives ensuring that the events of Buttergate were covered up and whitewashed to become what we now know as Watergate.
While historically sexually adventurous in general, President John F. Kennedy could only use a public glory hole if he was tightly clutching a Hello Kitty doll to his chest at the time.
President Jimmy Carter is notorious for getting into drunken bar fights, but true to his kind-hearted nature, has his security detail bring along several pillows so that fist fights can be downgraded to pillow fights.
William McKinley was the first president to have both nipples pierced, but not the last to have one of the rings become loosened and almost choke their breast-feeding vice president.
Grover Cleveland’s security detail was comprised entirely of eunuchs, mostly so that he could wrestle with them without fear of having their penises brush against him accidentally during their regular Thursday afternoon bouts.
Abraham Lincoln secretly discovered the Internet in 1863, but fearing the negative consequences it could have on society, he only used it for porn.
Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence