We’d Be Happy to Help You Unsubscribe From Future Emails!

We would like to make you confirm with the vernacular of a petulant child by clicking the “I don’t care, unsubscribe me anyway” button.  And is that tone really the kind of person you want to be?

I Will No Longer Unsubscribe

Just for fun, I post my social security number on Reddit. I change all my passwords to “whatever,” and my security questions to Highlights Magazine word-searches. I change my political affiliation to “undecided, seeking suggestions.” I start trials on every streaming service, even fake ones like Paramount+. Like an unsupervised child, I allow any and all cookies. I haven’t cleared my cache in weeks and yet, mentally, I’ve never been clearer. Instead of URL I see “You are loved.”

Unsubscribe Response or Pleading Text from My Ex?

Ending things can be rough, for both significant others and insignificant brands. Please love us.