Things Everybody is Tired of Hearing a Skeleton Say
“I am made of bones.”
“I took an online quiz to see which Bones character I am and I got ‘All of them.'”
“Boner alert!”
“Ouch, my bones!”
“Leave me alone, dogs!”
“Is my skull showing?”
“I’m not smiling. I just don’t have any skin or flesh to conceal my jaw.”
“Does this femur make me look fat?”
“Who needs ice cream cones when you’ve got ice cream bones. Right? Because I am comprised entirely of bones.”
“I just don’t relate to Billy Idol’s ‘Flesh for Fantasy’ the way I used to.”
“Even if I’m in the friend zone, I’m still in the bone zone, know what I mean? I am a skeleton, you guys.”
“Yes, I do live in a haunted house.”
“No, not all skeletons know each other.”
“I’m gonna rattle these bones if somebody gives me another one of those vodkas that comes in a crystal skull.”
“The second-best Indiana Jones movie is Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Come at me, if you dare. Which you won’t. Because I’m a spooky skeleton.”
“I have 208 bones.”
“Have you met my friend Bones? He’s a skeleton and he lives inside of your body.”
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Brian Boone is a contributor to Funny or Die, Someecards, Splitsider, The Chive, and Looper, and his work has appeared on McSweeney’s, StarWipe, and many other fine humor and pop culture destinations. He’s the author of several delightful books, wrote a musical about pirates, and came in third on Jeopardy! once. He will clog your Twitter timeline with dad jokes.
