Fall TV Preview

Buttock Moisteners, PI–  Adventures of NYC detectives who moisten their buttocks with a soaked sponge of coconut water before hitting the mean streets of their city.  USA Network, Tuesdays at 7pm

Mr T’s World Of Cheese–  Sure, Mr T may be lactose intolerant, but that’s not going to keep him from eating all the cheese he wants, and to make a TV show about it.   CMT, Saturdays in the Limbo Hour between !:25 pm and &#:49 pm.

Volcano Means No!-  Game show.  Who among the contestants is really a virgin?  Who will be a virgin by the end of the show?  Who will get sacrificed to the volcano?  Hosted by that guy who fingered your girlfriend in high school.    ABC Family Network, Sundays at 4pm

The Maggot–  Daniel Canfer was bitten by a radioactive maggot, and now fights crime as The Maggot.  Well, sometimes.  Mostly he sits around eating dead bodies.   CBS, Fridays at 8am

Can You Dance With Fire-Ant Bites On Your Eyes?–  Can you?  Most people can’t, as it turns out.  ABC, Wednesdays, When The Crow Flies

CSI: Your Mom’s House–  Hey man, there’s lots of semen covering most of the stuff in your mom’s house?  What’s her deal?   TNT, Mondays right before dessert.

CNN’s Bloopers, Blunders & Practical Jokes–  A weekly look at the various stupid and horrible things that President Trump has said / done over the past several days.   CNN, All Day, Every Day.

The Mex Files-  Trump-appointed FBI agents investigate and harass American citizens who just happen to be of Hispanic descent.  FOX.  What a shock, eh?   Fucking FOX…  Tuesday at 7pm

The Orifice–  Workplace comedy centered around the employees of a small town furniture store, and their relationship with the glory hole in the mens’ restroom.    Nick At Night.

The Walk Of Shame Dead-  Even zombies feel embarrassment at having to walk home from a random sexual encounter.  Binge watching fare for less discriminating viewers!   AMC, Sundays at 4pm

MolestWorld–  Futuristic sci fi action concerning what really happens to kids who hang out too often at Disneyworld.  HBO, Sundays at 7pm

Grain Of Thrones– New version of the popular show, now finally safe for those with gluten allergies.   HBO, Sundays at 7:07 pm

Bread City–  Outrageous new Comedy Central show about two single NYC gals who discuss their yeast infections at great and troubling length.   Comedy Central and Food Network, Thursdays at 9pm.

The Most Dangerous Gameshow–  Spoiled, obnoxious assholes believe that they’re on an island for a Bachelor-type garbage reality show, but are in fact being hunted to their death by skilled big-game hunters.  The winner takes home one million dollars supposedly, but don’t worry, that’s just a trick, and they all die horribly.    TruTV,  Saturdays at 5pm

To Catch A Predator:  Extreme Edition
New version of the popular program, wherein the predators in question are caught literally with their pants down, allowed to get to second base in order to have the charges stick.    Hosted by Christ Hanson and Howie Mandel.   NBC, Right now, in your house.