What Your Favorite MLB Mascot Says About You

Phillie Phanatic – You’re a big fan of role play.

Baxter of the Arizona Diamondbacks – You’re into furries and/or are Andrew McCutchen.

Swinging Friar of the San Diego Padres – You keep track of your score when you watch Jeopardy! You have never won.

Mariner Moose – Your spouse is into role play and asks you to wear the moose head with the Phanatic body.

Dinger of the Colorado Rockies – You hit your one and only home run in second-year T-ball.

Billy the Marlin – You are a serial killer.

Lou Seal of the San Francisco Giants – You buy all your clothes from Anthropologie on ThredUp.

Rosie Red – Your fantasy team was toast the third week of April.

Mr. Redlegs – You are really into taxidermy.

Pirate Parrot – You pick your fantasy team based on players’ real-life salaries. The lower, the better.

Mr. Met – You have never given up your seat on public transportation. That old lady is fine.

Mrs. Met – You refuse to sit next to your spouse on public transportation.

T.C. Bear of the Minnesota Twins – You brush your teeth with a bottle of Jack, once a week

Bernie of the Milwaukee Brewers – Your favorite poet is Jim Morrison

Sluggerrr of the Kansas City Royals – You’re the guy whose motivational HR posts show up on everyone’s LinkedIn feeds.

Orbit of the Houston Astros – You pile your bags of garbage on the sidewalk for weekly pickup. Sometimes you don’t even use bags.

PAWS of the Detroit Tigers – You, a grown-ass adult, ride your bike on the sidewalk.

Slider of the Cleveland Guardians – You’re definitely a nepo baby.

Southpaw of the Chicago White Sox – You eat chicken fingers with ketchup.

Clark the Cub – You haven’t eaten breakfast since June 16, 1997.

Wally of the Boston Red Sox – You’re known for your dad jokes and mediocre grilling skillz.

Oriole Bird – You have made your backyard into a haven for migratory birds.

Blooper of the Atlanta Braves – Also a nepo baby.

Stomper of the Oakland Athletics – You have been on thirteen nationally televised game shows since 1973. You have won a combined total of $734.23 and a lifetime supply of Garlique.

Fredbird of the St. Louis Cardinals – Your all-time favorite band is Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Raymond of the Tampa Bay Rays – You have been arrested one time in your life. It was for indecent exposure when, completely sober, you streaked through a cornhole tournament at 2:36 p.m. on a Sunday in July.

Rangers Captain – You eat carrots without peeling them first.

Ace of the Toronto Blue Jays – You eat s’mores with chocolate, marshmallow, and a toasted English muffin.

Screech of the Washington Nationals – You refuse to drive in the right-hand lane.

Dandy of the New York Yankees – You should just admit to having hair plugs (not that there’s anything wrong with that).