Your Mom’s a Whore and Other Claims About Your Family No Longer Fact-Checked by Meta

“Meta said on Tuesday that it was ending its longstanding fact-checking program, a policy instituted to curtail the spread of misinformation across its social media apps.” — The New York Times

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Hannibal Lecter famously said that “democracy is a slow process of stumbling to the right decision instead of going straight forward to the wrong one.”

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Well Hannibal, we did it. At long last, we have the freedom our esteemed forefathers promised us 250 years ago in that sacred document, the Constitution: to slander and lie in “digital public squares” without fear of censorship by insecure billionaire overlords.

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It’s like Christmas came twice this year. I’m so excited I can’t sleep. So I’ll spend the night posting my truths across all Meta platforms, which have been censoring me since 2004.

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Yo brother so fat he ate Greenland and set off World War III.

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Yo other brother so ugly he once got mistaken for a Cybertruck.

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Yo papá so skinny he slipped through the border wall only to get caught by US Customs and Border Protection and flown back to Guatemala to try again. Good luck with that, hombre!

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Yo mama so fat she started a social media platform called XL.

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Yo nephew so fat he ate half of Meta’s cash on hand for dinner (and the other $35 billion for breakfast).

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Yo sister so homely a former president called her “a two.”

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Yo grandpa so old he’s been ranting about being censored by Metamucil.

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Yo teenage son so horny he thought X was a porn site.

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Yo aunt so stupid she flatly refused to be an angel investor in a company whose origin story is ranking chicks from a Harvard dorm room.

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Yo uncle so fat they added a South Wing to the White House after the 2nd Coming of Christ—-dressed in a very clever disguise—-made him Secretary of Health and Human Services.

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Yo wife looks so young even Matt Gaetz passed.

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Yo kids so stupid they thought our generation was better than this.

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Yo mama a whore and Facebook karma is quietly standing in the corner, pathetic and impotent.

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I am finally a fully liberated white male. #thanksMeta