I Have Been Silenced by The Media and I’m Not Going To Shut Up About It

Dear Subscribers,

You may have noticed this newsletter missing from your inboxes over the past several weeks. As most of you know by now, I’m in the middle of an ongoing legal battle. I can assure you that after this week, my fight against the suppressors of free speech will continue on a more regular basis. If you want to put an end to this oppression, subscribe now for a reduced rate of $6 a month to continue reading. My lawyer instructed me not to speak about the issue publicly, but as Jesus and Oprah have both said, the truth will set you free.

After forty-four years of speaking my mind, the woke mob has finally come for me. Now that my YouTube channel has been demonetized, I’ve been completely muzzled, left only with my few million podcast subscribers, two New York Times bestsellers, and this Substack newsletter. My crime? Saying what the mainstream media doesn’t want you to hear.

If this news is at all unsettling to you, imagine my surprise when I saw #RestInPeaceRandy trending, and the barrage of online posts accusing me of the most SERIOUS of offenses: misleading my beloved audience of independent thinkers. Something I have never done, and in fact, am medically incapable of doing (those who know me best know that I am a diagnosed pathological truther). If you subscribe to my Patreon now for only fifteen dollars a month, you’ll gain access to a long record of doctor’s notes confirming this essential detail. If they can pin this on me, reader, imagine how easily they’ll come for you.

By now, you have probably seen the power-hungry Cabal News Network and their diversity hire sisters at Microsofty NBC spin this unfortunate situation. But I ask you this: why would the mainstream media care about what a small, independent source like myself has to say if it didn’t directly threaten them? If my alternative solutions shop (which you can find linked at the top of this newsletter) were hurting anyone but Big Pharma, you would still be able to find my collection of herbal male birth control tablets on said website! And all of this coverage for a few posts on X and a minor (civil, I might add) lawsuit? If you can’t freely express yourself on a privately owned, corporate platform without your entire career being taken from you, where can you do it?

As I write to you now, their intimidation tactics have worked; I have been silenced. Worse, I can promise you the woke mob will not stop at “straight white men” who sell male enhancement gummies “not approved by the FDA.” Clean out your basements and garages now, readers, it won’t be long before the FBI is handing you a search warrant on your doorstep. One of the worst things that can be done to a person.

For all of our sakes — but mostly mine — this reign of woke terror must end.

What is woke exactly? I’ve received many questions from you all in the past about this. Questions like “What’s happened to this country,” “Can I still listen to Louis CK on my way to work,” and “How can I give you more of my money?” To answer your last question, truthers, I say join the Freedom Blogcus today for only $129.99 annually. “Woke” is a mindset, a worldview, and a parasite feeding on the hard-earned careers of men and women like myself. Did you know you have to scroll to the bottom of the trending page on YouTube just to find my podcast now?

Not many people know this but woke stands for:

 

Working

On

Killing

Everything (fun)

 

Do you like to have fun? Not anymore you don’t! Joy is a cancellable offense, and the fascist fun police are just waiting for you to let your guard down. To show you just how much you’ll be missing out on in the years to come, I’ve compiled a list of all the current offenses you’ll be exiled for this year:

1. Let’s face it, folks, jokes are over. You can’t say anything anymore without the radical thought police coming down on you. Freedom of speech is under attack in our theaters, our clubs, and even our living rooms. If we can’t laugh as a country without the Huffington Post weighing in, what can we do?
2. The modern man’s talking is being taken away from us. No conversation is safe from the power of a young woman’s ability to screenshot it.
3. If you thought the M&M’s were bad news, wait until you taste this rainbow. In hindsight, we should have known they batted for the other team.
4. Peanut butter. Oh, so I’M not allowed within 100 feet of my daughter’s school for introducing a sheltered 2nd grader to a Nutter Butter but Ensley’s mother can poison my kid’s mind during story time? Grow up, America.
5. The Golden Bachelor. I don’t mind this so much actually.

 

Woke is coming for you. Woke is coming for your children. Woke is even coming for your hot grandparents. But more importantly, woke has come for me, and it’s demanding royalties!

 

This brings me to the sponsor of today’s newsletter, My Pillow.

 

Men, like our failing culture, is your pillow just too soft? Do you have to stack them on top of each other just to get a good night’s sleep? My Pillow is the only pillow on the market made by men for men. Big and hard, just the way we like them. Plus, ten percent of every order placed using my unique affiliate link will go right back to our annual Christmas defense fund.

 

My Pillow: You can’t be woke if you’re asleep.

 

I’m not the only one worried about the number of public figures like myself who have been completely de-platformed, unable to perform for the masses without any backlash. I mean sure, a few million people will still watch my next Netflix special, but does that count for anything if The New York Times says they don’t like it?

 

If you’re as disturbed as I am by this witch hunt, please, subscribe to this newsletter and pledge your support to our Anti-Discrimination in Comedy fund, which is helping support the careers of dozens of men like myself across the country. It’s not too late to stop the woke train from leaving canceled station, but it will take a contribution of at least $6 per month. There’s no time to waste. So stand up, America, fight back, and send in your donation today.

 

Until Next Week,

Randy