10 Other Things Ryan Lochte Also “Over Exaggerated”

After the Olympic games closed, Ryan Lochte’s mom discovered a wastepaper basket** full of other admissions from the Olympic swimmer who got into hot water. Here are some things he also “exaggerated.”

 

10) I’m sorry to all the Olympians I told that the medals had chocolate in the center so they’d all take pics biting on their medals. They don’t have chocolate. Some are macarons. I’m sorry. Just gold. Old habits.

 

9) I’m sorry to the guy in the airplane whose pretzels I stole when he got up to go to the bathroom. I don’t even know why I did it! I eat a million calories a day. Your bag was like me eating three skittles. Same goes to you, kid whose skittles I ate. I’m also sorry that I claimed a bear came through, growling, telling me in bear speak he wanted to “Taste The Rainbow.” I don’t speak bear, and even if I did, a bear would only want like trout skittles.

 

8) I’m sorry to that chick I picked up in the bar on Night Three. I actually am not Michael Phelps. I do like lagers though. Me and Michael both do.

 

7) I do not also have a crush on Zac Efron. That was Simone’s thing. I’m truly sorry. I still liked “Neighbors 2.”

 

6) Baby I “Got The Nose” Of. Baby, it’s a lie. It’s on your face. I apologize to your parents. Sorry again, Michael Phelps.

 

5) The minibar in my room was full when I found it. I’m sorry for telling the hotel staff tiny drunk imps broke into the Hilton. I’m also sorry I used my fingers to “re-enact the crime.” That was dumb. I’m sorry.

 

4) I apologize to that kid in Rio who called me “An Adult Draco Malfoy.” I know he meant my hair. I had no right to then cast a spell on him. Lo siento, mi amigo.

 

3) I’m sorry to the little kid next to him who told me I walked into my barber and asked for “The Dragon Ball Z.” I am not, nor ever have been, a Super Saiyan.

 

2) I’m sorry to that dog in the park. I didn’t throw the ball. There never was a ball.

 

1) No Rio Official ruined the ending of “Stranger Things.” That was me. I googled way too early. I’m sorry, Rio.

 

**This is an over exaggeration.+

 

+Over exaggeration means lie.