A Hegelian Reading of Ivanka’s Spring Beauty Line
An Open Letter to the Attractive French Couple in Line for the Statue of Liberty
List: Shania Twain Song or Italian Deli Order?
I Don’t Approve of What Woody Allen Did, But I’m Still Going to Quote His Movies, by All Of My White Male Friends
I am a Millennial, and I’m Not Looking For Toilet Paper, I’m Looking for a Clean-Butt Lifestyle
An Open Letter to My Mother About My Vulva
7 Great Fellini Movies to Check Out While You’re Waiting for the Prostitute to Arrive
I Believe in Religious Liberty, Which Is Why I Am Now Buying This Slave, by Thomas Jefferson
All of My Friends Are Getting Engaged and I Still Can’t Find a Type of Toothpaste I Like
I’m in Grad School, and My Life Is Sad!
Foucaultian Social Control and the Night I Thought I Was Going to Lose My Virginity at Senior Prom
Paradise Lost, as Recounted by Van Morrison
List: Items on My Wedding Registry I Will Eventually Accuse My Housekeeper of Stealing
It’s Bedazzled Jeans Season, You Fucking Asshole!
Sentiment and Sustainability: An Ecological Warning in Taylor Swift’s “Mine”
List: Sexual Positions I Try Not to Think About When I Talk to my Boss
The 2018 Farmer’s Almanac, by Giovanni Boccaccio
Sidney Carlton From A Tale of Two Cities Sits in on My Econ 101 Discussion Section
A Close Reading of My Body-Mass Index
Unfinished Business From My Senior Year in Under 800 Words With Some Jokes
List: Missed Connections Ads to My Childhood Crushes
Comments I Write on Student Papers That I Also Say During Sex
List: Ways in Which I Wish the Dick van Dyke Show Were a Documentary About my Actual Life
Nicknames for My Breasts That Are Funnier the More You Know About Antebellum America
I, Too, Like Visiting Different Countries: A Memoir of Online Dating, Chapter One: But Who Is That Other Person in Your Profile Picture?
The Shortcomings of Third-Wave Feminism, by Zeus, God of Thunder
Hi, I’m That Guy Playing His Video at Full Volume on the Train Who You are Projecting Resentment Toward Your Father Onto
Mike Pence Answers Your Questions About Cunnilingus
Let’s Not Turn This Into Some Kind of Witch Hunt, by William Stoughton, Chief Magistrate of the Salem Witch Trials and Reputed Pincher of Derrieres
List: Incorrect Ways to Cite Your Therapist in Your History Dissertation
My Childhood Nannies, Ranked
- About the Author
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Michael Bleicher and Andy Newton are above-average in height and know the harmony parts to most Simon & Garfunkel songs. Andy is an editor in New York City and Michael is a copyright attorney in Washington, D.C.