“Walking to the bathroom on a moving bus is one of the top five most embarrassing things a human being can do in their entire life. He must have no dignity.”
WARNING: This app contains chemicals known to the state of California to cause users to only follow those who share your same worldview, a lot of comedians, and Cher. Frequent use of Twitter often results in a delightfully pleasant-sounding echo chamber that is regularly contrasted by feelings of boiling anger caused after reading news reports detailing the horrors that perpetually occur throughout the planet, topped off with what Cher thinks about Donald Trump.
Welcome to the Galactic Empire Ethics Training. Upon completion of this learning module you will take an aptitude test graded by your managing Sith Lord. A failing score is punishable by a force-choke that may result in death, but what we’re really looking for here is effort!
After giving birth to Tucker I was filled with an unbridled, indescribable, surreal joy. I was also stung by the realization that – in the blink of an eye – he would be a man grown, leaving me without a vessel by which to further my pursuit of money and internet celebrity. That’s why I […]