Entries by Connor Relyea


Best of 2023

Corporate Statement Templates For This Pride Month

Pride Parade Float Is Set On Fire : We here at [cabal of billionaires/actual power behind the government] are [saddened/overjoyed] to hear about the [tragic/wonderful] events that took place at the recent Pride parade.

Originals

Interview with a Cicada from Brood X

So now that you’re out in the open for the first time since 2004, what are you looking forward to most? Well all I’ve heard these past few months — as all 1.5 million of us in this acre of land were getting ready to emerge — was how good the TV selection has gotten up here. We haven’t had much to watch other than tree roots grow and cicada drama in the past 17 years. 

originals

What I Think An MFA Is

An MFA is pretending to be obsessed with David Foster Wallace when you really use “Infinite Jest” as a hiding place for the “Divergent” trilogy.