Pride Parade Float Is Set On Fire : We here at [cabal of billionaires/actual power behind the government] are [saddened/overjoyed] to hear about the [tragic/wonderful] events that took place at the recent Pride parade.
So now that you’re out in the open for the first time since 2004, what are you looking forward to most? Well all I’ve heard these past few months — as all 1.5 million of us in this acre of land were getting ready to emerge — was how good the TV selection has gotten up here. We haven’t had much to watch other than tree roots grow and cicada drama in the past 17 years.
A flask with a Mini-Flask Hidden on the Side of It. And more.
3. Keepeth A Garden: Roses, carnations and mint will keep away the infernal smell that bringeth the Death from Rat to Man. Hold their petals in a mask around thine face to hold off the Death from claiming your sinful flesh!
An MFA is pretending to be obsessed with David Foster Wallace when you really use “Infinite Jest” as a hiding place for the “Divergent” trilogy.
Qualifications: Able to handle quippy dialogue. Tragic backstory. Skilled with using Quickbooks Pro.
