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The White House’s Kavanaugh Celebration Party
Sean Hannity has a VIP table in one corner. Alex Jones is here. His shirt is already off. Roger Stone is seen handing out small red flyers about an orgy he’s hosting the following night.
Entries by Johnny Wright
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The Tremendous Space Force Planning Meeting
The next twenty-five minutes consists of President Trump going into great detail about what the Space Force line of toys needs to be. Action figures, shuttles, rockets, even a home base control room. Of course, the showcase of the toys is a super fit Donald Trump action figure in a glittering stars and stripes Mylar jumpsuit. The little guy is surprisingly pulling off those knee-high boots.
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Trump Gets His Parade
Some folks are born made to wave the flag Ooh, they’re red, white and blue And when the band plays “Hail to the Chief” Ooh, they point the cannon at you, Lord It ain’t me, it ain’t me, I ain’t no senator’s son It ain’t me, it ain’t me, I ain’t no fortunate one […]
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One Weird Day in the Trump White House
Author’s Note: As your intrepid White House correspondent for Weekly Humorist, I have employed a variety of tactics to gain closer access than any other periodical to the Trump White House for you bastards. As a result we have given you the most accurate fly-on-the-wall coverage in American journalism. The techniques I have employed have […]
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Tricky Dick Tutors Trump on Treachery
Here’s to the State of Richard Nixon For underneath his borders the devil draws the line If you drag his muddy rivers nameless bodies you will find And the fat trees of the forest have hid a thousand crimes And the calendar is lyin’ when it reads the present time Oh, here’s to the land […]
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Trump’s First State of the Union
“I don’t really like cheeseburgers. It’s fake news. I’m losing weight and am down to 175 pounds, clearly you can see that.”
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Trump’s Pay for Play Cabal
“The healthy man does not torture others – generally it is the tortured who turn into torturers.” ~ Carl Jung “We’re not gonna take it.” ~ Twisted Sister Meanwhile, in Donald Trump’s White House… On the Resolute desk in the Oval Office sits a pot of boiling water kept bubbling on a portable hot plate. […]
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How the Trumps Botch Christmas
“It’s Christmas at ground zero, Now the missiles are on their way, What a crazy fluke, we’re gonna get nuked, On this jolly holiday” ~ Prophet and soothsayer “Weird Al” Yankovich, “Christmas at Ground Zero” “Happy Holidays, ya bastards.” ~ Johnny Wright Read Episode 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |8 […]
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The Trump-Lincoln Ford’s Theater Luxury Casino
“They call you Lady Luck, But there is room for doubt, At times you have a very unlady-like way of running out,” ~ Frank Sinatra, “Luck be a Lady” Read Episode 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |8 The instructions by text from burner phone to burner phone […]
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Fear and Loathing in the White House Movie Theater
“I’ve built walls A fortress deep and mighty That none may penetrate I have no need of friendship, friendship causes pain It’s laughter and it’s loving I disdain I am a rock I am an island” ~ Simon & Garfunkel Read Episode 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 […]
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Tripping Balls with the Founding Fathers
AUTHOR’S NOTE: Many observers of President Donald J. Trump believe he is crazy. That he has some bats in the belfry. How did Trump become so narcissistic? So delusional? When did reality begin to slip from his grasp? How in the balls did he not change that absurd hairdo over the years? All valid questions. […]
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Big Boy Donny’s Birthday Party
“I want a ball, I want a party Pink macaroons and a million balloons And performing baboons, Give it to me, Now!” ~ Veruca Salt Read Episode 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 Meanwhile, in Donald Trump’s White House…Episode 6 “FUCK CARROTS!!!” That’s what President Donald Trump yelled as he squeezed the […]
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President Trump Welcomes the First Pet
“Black crows in the meadow Across a broad highway Though it’s funny, honey I just don’t feel much like a Scarecrow today” ~ Bob Dylan, “Black Crow Blues” Meanwhile, in Donald Trump’s White House… Episode 5. […]
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Mike Pence Returns to The Crossroads
“I went to the crossroads, fell down on my knees, Asked the Lord above ‘have mercy, now save poor Bob, if you please.’” ~ Robert Johnson, “Cross Road Blues” Meanwhile, in Donald Trump’s White House… (pt 5) (read pt 1 here) Two new White House interns are nervously awaiting a meeting in the Cabinet Room. […]
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Goodbye to the Cancer Moonshot
“Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses.” ~ Zack de la Rocha, “Killing in the Name” Meanwhile, in Donald Trump’s White House… “You have the target?” “Have the target. Pussy hat. Sign with black background, rainbow-colored letters. Distance?” “Two hundred twenty-one yards.” “Wind?” “Seven miles per hour, from […]
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Trump’s New Rules
Meanwhile, in Donald Trump’s White House… Meeting in the Roosevelt Room, President Trump is gathered with members of the senior staff and a handful of National Security analysts. Elise Kemp, a twenty-seven year old analyst waits patiently for Chief Strategist Steve Bannon to finish his thoughts on the “Jewy-lookin guy” that works as a steward […]
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Mr. Trump Goes to Washington
Meanwhile, in Donald Trump’s White House… The next President of the United States surveys the Oval Office, and he immediately begins demanding changes. “I want the Red Phone back,” Trump says. White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus shifts into his trying-to-not-sound-condescending voice and says, “Mr. President, the Red Phone wasn’t actually real. That was […]
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WORLD WAR C
It’s is difficult to remember the small events that preceded the Clown War. Now 2021, two years since war was declared, the events of the autumn of 2016 feel the same as Vietnam and Watergate. I am trapped in the Ivar’s Acres of Clams fish and chips stand on Pier 54 of the Seattle Waterfront, […]
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Trump Snarls
Two hours after his latest victory sort-of-speech following a state primary, just before midnight, Donald J. Trump was in the apartment on his private plane flying at cruising altitude back to Manhattan. Only small lamps were needed to illuminate the room as the light bounced off the gold walls to provide a warm din bright […]