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Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s New Years Resolutions
You’ve got a lot to do in the new year, so let’s get this mirror pep talk started! It’s time for some New Year’s Resolutions!
Entries by Matthew Disler
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I Will Protest Nike by Burning All of My Shoes
And starting this week, I am taking my protest to the streets! This is because my message is gaining ground, and also because my house burned down in a shoe-related fire.
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I Swear to God, If I Hear “Be Our Guest” In This Castle One More Time I’m Going To Kill Something
Damn it, Lumière. Every single time we have guests over you sing that song. EVERY SINGLE TIME. It was cute back when you were a talking candelabra, and it made me feel special and welcome and all that. But those were different circumstances. It was, what, fifteen years ago? When did the wardrobe go to […]
Originals
The Aliens from Arrival Review the Oscar Nominees for Visual Effects
We learned many new words when we arrived on your Earth. Cars. Chickens. Bowling. High-fructose corn syrup. Movies. The Academy Award Nominations for Best Visual Effects. We have some thoughts. And many questions. Why was Arrival not nominated? Why was Kubo and the Two Strings? Is that not animated? We learned the meaning of “animated,” and we think […]